A Pink Bike, a Pink Castle, and the Simple Things In Life...

I've been in a funk lately. I was unaware that I slipped into it until I started slipping out of it. I always believed that I was a faithful woman that I was optimistic during the hardest of times. I'm young, so I know many think I haven't begun to see hardship in my life. I agree for the most part. But when it comes to sickness, boy has my family put me through the ringer. Between me, Mom, and just watching grandparents, aunts and uncles. I've seen a lot of illness in this family. I thought that I was handling all of my recent health changes well. I was wrong.

When Phil and I went to see Dr. Makati this past time, we were told to start the application for Vanderbilt. I will be finishing that up and sending it in. We're placing me on the waiting list for their Autonomic Dysfunction Center. It took Dr. Makati saying there wasn't anything else he could do for me in order for me to realize that I'd quit living my life. I went through the motions of living my life, but in terms of enjoying it and really being present in the moment... Nope. I was waiting until I got better to start this or do that. Then I realized something even worse for me... I was angry. Boy was I angry. I went on a rage to my husband telling him how angry I was. I was angry at God, I was angry at everyone, I was angry at myself, I was angry at everything. What a sad realization it was. But, I'm glad I came to this discovery. Only when we own up to our feelings can we begin to change them.

I've decided to begin again. I want to begin again. I realized this mostly at Sr. Briege McKenna's speech. I went for physical healing and walked away with spiritual healing. I'd call that an unexpected bonus. I can live with poor health; I cannot live with poor faith.

Today, I passed out; I was struggling to stay conscious until well into the afternoon. When I did become fully awake and feeling fairly normal, I decided to plan an outing with Phil and the children. He agreed, so we took Mariana and Maddy to sit on Santa's lap and then to dinner. Of course, being a Friday evening there were lines at the mall. But the girls were fantastic. The behaved very well, despite the fact that it was only an hour before bed time. They were dressed in their pretty Christmas dresses and playful and cute.

Mariana repeatedly said, "I want to see Santa Claus." She was so excited. When it was our turn we took the girls up. Maddy cried, more because she was tired then afraid of Santa. She just wanted Daddy. But, Mariana sat on Santa's lap. He told her how much she'd grown this year and how she was a good girl. He asked what she wanted for Christmas. She looked up at him, "I want a pink bike, and a pink castle." Mariana has consistently asked for these two things since October. After she finished, she told us what she asked for and told us that Santa would bring them on his sleigh.

Her excitement was catching. It was adorable and it filled my heart with love, happiness, and gratitude. I am so grateful for the life I have. It's so wonderful having my family and all of the blessings I've been given. So, Mariana wants a bike and a castle. I want more moments like these. I want more simple pleasures, everyday things that remind me of God's love and presence in my life. My husband and children, our parents, our siblings... All of these people in my life are so wonderful and make my life so perfect, it only makes sense that all of these struggles I've been facing exist. You can't truly appreciate the beauty of the sun without some rainy days. So, thank you all for being my sun, and I'm even grateful for the rain that helps me keep life in perspective.

A Very Detailed Update on the Health of Cassie...

I heard from Dr. Makati today. My blood results came in. As it turns out I do not have the condition he was originally testing me for. In fact, the opposite showed. Dr. Makati expected that my blood would show high levels of Dopamine while standing. As it turns out, my levels of norepinephrine were abnormally high while standing, and the rest of the results were quite normal. The clinical diagnosis Dr. Makati provided for me is Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS, which we will refer to it as in order to save the world from looking at TOO MANY LETTERS). According to Dr. Makati, and all of the reading I’ve been doing (because that’s how I am), POTS is an autonomic nervous dysfunction which can often be accompanied by neurally mediated hypotension (NMH). So, this is all of the clinical information about it.

Here comes the realistic what does it mean for Cassie and her family information. Currently, POTS has no real FIX per se. Basically, according to reading and the doc, finding the correct treatment for POTS and NMH is extremely difficult. Over the course of the last 14-15 years of dealing with this, I have actually been on and tried all of the current “treatments” available for POTS. The doctor has encouraged me to return to the medication regiment that I was on previously. He also intends to send me to Vanderbilt University’s Autonomic Nervous Dysfunction research center. They are one of the BEST in the country at helping diagnose, treat, and understand all forms of Autonomic Nervous Dysfunction.

On top of returning to the medication regiment, Phillip and I have decided to throw in ALL of the non medication related treatments. Therefore, I will return to a more high sodium diet with many small meals instead of 3 regular to large meals throughout the day (since eating large meals tends to cause the body to concentrate on digestion instead of regulation of blood pressure), I intend to attempt to exercise daily (provided my body allows for it) even if it means walking the dog around the entire apartment complex at first since good muscle tone helps with the bodies natural vaso constriction, and lastly (for now) Phil and I have decided that I need to look into purchasing medical support hose (which I’m not looking forward to wearing, BUT YES FAMILY I WILL IF IT MAKES ME BETTER).

Also I’ve been reading about activities that can worsen symptoms: “Activities that can aggravate POTS symptoms include working with your arms over your head, lifting heavy objects, and climbing stairs. Warm temperatures have an especially negative effect on the exercise tolerance of POTS patients as heat dilates blood vessels and diverts blood to the skin, thus reducing blood flow in key arteries that feed the brain. Air conditioning during hot weather is essential for most POTS patients.”

What else? What else? Ummmm…

They don’t know what exactly causes POTS. Some say it is from a viral infection, from some sort of neurotransmitter issue, or genetically passed from mother to daughter…. HA! Sorry Mommy, it’s still a possibility, so it must be included in the list.

Dr. Makati is very frustrated. He wants so badly to figure this out and I think he is more disappointed to not provide me with a clear cut treatment plan than I’ve ever been, having lived with it so long, lol.

ALSO, and I want everyone to read this next part quite a few times. I COPY AND PASTE!!! This idea is from 4 different websites (including research facilities)…

A UCLA medical study found that women tolerate stress better than men, thus the claim by some uninformed doctors that POTS is caused by "stress" rather than an underlying physical disease process is not based on the scientific evidence. If stress caused POTS, then men would develop POTS more often than women, the exact opposite of what accepted statistics indicates is the case. Men have a stronger adrenaline fight or flight reaction to stress than women and are less prone to work out problems with friends and family. Researchers found that women have higher levels of a hormone called oxytocin. "Animals and people with high levels of oxytocin are calmer, more relaxed, more social and less anxious. In several animal species, oxytocin leads to maternal behavior and to affiliation."

Well, I know this is a lot and slightly more detailed than is necessary. But, I never really know how much information people actually want versus how much I’ve told or how much there actually is to tell. I know many of you have already heard all of this, but it makes it easy for me to just include everyone at once, and that way I don’t forget to update someone of something. I promise to update more the moment I find out more. Feel free to forward this to anyone you have been talking to about me. I have no real privacy issues with this, it’s a normal part of my life and most people who have ever heard my name from someone I know know something about it, lol.

Also, the doctor has pretty much forbidden me to drive. He has also urged me to apply for SSI, since he feels that I am in no capable condition to actually work and this seems, to him, to be a disabling condition in the sense that it limits my mobility and activity quite a bit.

If you have any questions, please just respond.

I love you all and thank you all for the prayers and the support.

I'm Gonna Miss This

Maddy turned one on Sunday. Little bitty baby girl is one year old. She started taking steps two weeks ago. She hasn't decided to become an exclusive walker, but she can walk. She knows that she still gets there faster when crawling. She has one of her front teeth, making total up to three teeth with one breaking through any day now. She's so big now, and so beautiful. At her one year appointment, my little Maddy measured in at 31 1/2 inches tall, 18 lbs and 6 oz, and with a head circumference of 17.5. She's 10% in weight, 95% in length, and 29% in head size, lol. She's really tall and super skinny. She eats everything in sight, and I mean she'll eat ANYTHING. She's always eating.

Mariana is doing well. She's still a great big sister. I cannot really say how she's changed recently, except that she gets far more intelligent every moment. She has full blown conversations with you, and boy is she getting good at arguing her points. I don't know where she gets her assertiveness from (lol).

Now in explaining the name of this post... Trace Adkins has a new song. It makes me cry, literally, every time I hear it. You'd think after the 50th time of hearing it I'd be able to avoid the tears, but I cannot. It's really the last verse that hits me the hardest. Once the last verse comes, I start crying.

Lyrics:
She was staring out the window of their SUV
Complaning, saying "I can't wait to turn 18"
She said "I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules"
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said "I was just like you"

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good timesSo take a good look around
You may not know it nowBut you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her "It's a nice place"
She says "It'll do for now"
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says "Baby, just slow down"

Cause you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own. One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Is anything more important...

than family? I was taught that family was the most important, second only to God. My parents raised me with the idea that in the end, the only people you could REALLY count on were Jesus and your family. My husband's parents taught him very similar beliefs. I don't know that they ever used those words, but the idea was similar. Mom and dad used to tell me that if the house burned down around us, as long as we were standing outside together, we'd survive to see another day. My in-laws and my parents are the type of people you can depend on. They'll help you with anything. If you need emotional support - they're there, if you need money - there, if you need help - there, if you need someone to stand in your corner and back you up - they're there... And let me tell you, I wouldn't want anyone else in my corner. Phillip and I have been truly blessed with parents and siblings to make you feel like you are part of something HUGE. If the world really did revolve around love, our family alone could keep it going for all eternity.

Siblings are supposed to be supportive of one another. Harsh words should be forgiven. Yet among some of my extended family, people would rather point fingers and place blame than try to work things out.

I find it so odd that such loving people, such supportive and magnificent people, should have to deal with such harsh treatments. The only real feelings I can have for it all... I pity the loss others have by not having my family in their lives. These people would do anything for you, if you asked. They are generous and kind people who put Jesus at the center of their existence in both word and deed. I'm so glad that I have them.

Discoveries

Babies are amazing. They change so much so very quickly. Everyday they discover something new and with that, you get to discover a new part of their personality and the person they will become.

Yesterday, Madeline was coming to see me while I was sitting on the floor and feeding Lily. Maddy crawled right over, put her little hands on my knees and stood up. The amazing part... She let go. She just stood there in front of me, looking at me, and balancing herself. That lasted for close to 10 full seconds. She continued to do that a few more times yesterday. Since we made such a big deal out of it, everytime she did so she would get all excited, knowing she did something great.

A few hours later, I was looking at my munchkin and realizing she wasn't opening her mouth at all. That usually means that she's snuck something in her mouth. So I reach in, searching her mouth for some object that isn't allowed in there. What do I find? A sharp little tooth broken through the gums... She's growing so quickly.

Phil and I made such a big thing over the tooth, I guess Mariana got jealous. She came walking over... "Look I have teeth (Smiling big to show us her teeth)! See I'm not a baby anymore, I have teeth." I LOVE MY GIRLS!!!!

Lazy Blogger

Apparently, I am getting lazy with my blog again. So, lets see what's going on.

I got another A in my English class. My last paper is due this Saturday and, as long as I get above a C-, I have an A for the course. The hard part for me would be not working my tail off on the paper anyway. I know I don't need a perfect paper, but I will have difficulty realizing that when I sit down and begin working on it for real. Alas, God why must I be a perfectionist?

My babies are WONDERFUL!!! As if everyone doesn't already know that. Madeline is so big. She crawls everywhere. If there is a way for her to stand, she pulls herself up and stands. She scales the couch, chairs, coffee tables, and anything she can hold onto while doing the little side walk, lol. She's also quite vocal. You'd never know such a big voice could come out of one so tiny.


Mariana is doing extremely well. She's very sweet and loves her baby sister. She's doing great in Ballet and still loves going to "Dance School" every week. Her recital is in June. She's going to go in dance over the summer as well. I think its important for her to stay in it, since at her age consistency is best. She's also going to be in Fairy Magic Dance Camp this summer. It is one week long from 9 AM til Noon everyday. I think she'll love it and I think it will be a great way for her to be around other children.

I still have sweet little Lily throughout the week. She's a gem to have around and she and Maddy are pretty much on par with development. In terms of movement and such, they both keep my hands full. If i put them in the stroller and take them anywhere, I get "Oh TWINS!" They don't look like twins. But 2 babies at the same height and age, one mom, what else are people to think? My favorite statement... "GOOD LORD HAVE YOU GOT YOUR HANDS FULL!" I reply, "Oh no, they aren't twins. This one is my daughter and this is my niece." To which I get, "Are they the same age?" I want to look at the person and say, "No, she's 9 months and she's 23." But of course, I cannot be THAT rude... So I reply, "1 day apart." Some people are relieved for me that they aren't twins and then others want to know how me and my sister-in-law managed to get pregnant so close together. Hey if their parents didn't explain it to them, and they didn't figure it out when they had babies, who am I to inform them....

I've started working. In a manner of speaking. I've become a Partylite Consultant. My first party is this Saturday. Meghan will be my first hostess. I'm excited about it and I shall update how it's going periodically.

Phil took his last two tests toward his certification. One more class and my hubby gets his Professional. Hurray!

Thats about it. Sorry these get so long. If I kept up with it, they'd be shorter and more frequent.

Babies, Family, and More...

Madeline has begun moving. She isn't quite crawling, though she does get up on her hands and knees quite easily. On Sunday, I was in the kitchen with Phillip and she was on the middle of the living room floor, she decided she wanted to be in the kitchen with us and made her way over entirely on her own. We were amazed at the distance she went. Her hair is still adorably curly on top. She's also getting quite a temper!

I've decided it is long past time to begin working with Mariana on her alphabet. As soon as I get my printer cartridge replaced I will be printing out some flashcards and other pre-school materials that I found online. Until then we have some books and such that we will make use of. She knows R, O, and X. Why those three I do not know. She can count to 17 quite consistently and understands the concept of counting things versus just saying the numbers. She has a temper as well. She also is quite a firecracker, my little miss. She has developed the habit of being slightly rude to her father, which we are correcting every time. You've got to love that stage when they begin to truly assert themselves, lol.

I once again have Lily in my care. I've recovered enough from my shoulder injury, Vickie went home, etc. She's doing well with me, of course. She is also getting mobile, so my job is now both easier and more difficult. Maddy and Lily can both move. Positives: They can entertain themselves better, they can move to get things that they accidently put out of their reach, they can move on to other toys if they get bored. Negatives: They can move, lol... Now, if Mariana brings toys onto the living room floor I have to make sure no small parts have been brought out unless I sit right there with them. I, of course, watch them quite closely, but there are bathroom breaks, lunch cooking, and house straightening moments when they are not in my line of sight every second.

We got great news last week. Phillip will be fine for work next year. There was some minor fear about them not renewing his contract since he isn't completely finished with his professional certification. He will need 1 more college credit, which he will get next fall. But he has been informed by his boss and administration, that all is well and he will be fine next year. There's some stress that is gone.

Oh and lastly, that paper I finished in my last post. I got an A. I kicked its butt, basically.

Done!

Well, it isn't the best paper I've ever written, but my poetry essay is completed. For any who may be interested, you can read it here.

I have not informed all of you of the latest in my life. Three weeks ago, I fell and hurt my shoulder. I tore some cartilage in my right shoulder and begin physical therapy this Tuesday. It it not really as big a deal as it seems. It only hurts when I over exert myself or when I have been doing a lot of stuff that requires me to lift or move, and even then it only really hurts at the end of the day. According to the doctor, Ibuprophen is my friend.

Mariana has turned three. Her birthday was the 8th of this month. My little baby girl is 3. I found myself reading some of my older blogs and laughing and crying about how much she's changed in just these 3 short years. There is an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse where Daisy does a dance for a talent show. Mariana memorized the dance the first time she saw it. I keep looking at her and trying to figure out when she got so big.

Maddy is still growing too fast. She's so pretty and sweet. She is going through what I hope is a short phase with separation anxiety. If Mommy goes out of sight, Maddy goes crazy. Madeline is calmer and happier than Mariana was as an infant, as long as I am there, lol. She still is not really making any attempts toward mobility, but she certainly does prefer standing over sitting and tummy time. If you are sitting down and she's on your lap, she'll be leaning against you on her feet as opposed to sitting there.

I am so very proud of both of my girls!

Grieving for what I didn't know...

Today was Grandpa Bauer's inurnment. Phillip, I, and the girls were present. I found myself wishing I had known him somewhat better while watching the military ceremony. As I watched his grandchildren, children, friends and family celebrate his life, I felt slightly saddened. I suppose that this is a normal reaction. What came with it, however, bothered me greatly. I have been part of Phillip's family for quite some time. I feel as close to his grandparents as I do to my own and as close to his parents as I do to my own. As I stood there wishing I had known his grandfather better, I found myself feeling quite sad and angry. It brought back memories and feelings I had not recognized in myself about my own grandfathers' passings.

My father's father passed away when I was eight years old. He was my Godfather, and what memories I have of him are of a loving man who cared for his family to the best of his ability. I do remember every Sunday before sending us to church with Grandma, he's make the world's best french toast, not covered in syrup but in plain sugar. To this day, I eat my French toast with sugar instead. On Saturday mornings, I'd watch cartoons and he'd be snoozing on the couch, snoring, and my brother would change the channel to wrestling at 11... My Pop Pop would immediately awaken, "Hey turn off that wrastlin, me and my granddaughter were watchin the film funnies." But, we moved when I was barely six years old, and I remember feeling like I didn't have the right to be sad when he died, that he was my cousin's grandfather more than mine.

My mother's father passed away when I was around 12 or 13. I find it difficult to pinpoint the exact year. I called him Gramps. He died of cancer, and had suffered greatly for a number of years. His passing was welcomed by the family, and all were relieved that he was finally moving on and released from all the pain he had endured. My mother, brother, and I were in Maryland for nearly a month by the time Gramps had died. He passed away on the last day of school up there. Everyone had taken the day off of work for some reason, all feeling as though they should. My mother and her siblings took turns at his bedside all day, and at some point everyone had left the room. I was sitting on the front porch and got thirsty, his bed was situated in the living room where the Hospice nurse had orchestrated for his care. I got up to go into the kitchen to get myself something to drink. When I opened the door, I looked at my grandfather's bed and saw him asleep on his bed. As I watched, he inhaled deeply and his chest rose and fell for the last time. I said to my aunt on the porch behind me, "Grandpa stopped breathing." I was sent to the elementary school to keep the children from coming home until his body was removed. Primarily speaking of the kindergarten children. After, I went to pick up Amy with her mother. Amy and I had known each other since birth and her home became a haven to avoid the sickness in my grandparents house that summer. I was asked by Mrs. Patty not to tell Amy about my grandfather's passing, just as I had to act like there was nothing going on in front of the children when I walked up to their school earlier that day. In the van, on the way back from Amy's middle school, my silence was remarked upon by Amy, and Mrs. Patty informed her that "Mr. Skip died." Amy immediately began sobbing these heartrenching sobs. I was so jealous of her. She could cry for my grandfather. Again, I felt as though I did not have the right to.

It bothered me so much to stand there and watch as another grandfather's life was celebrated and his death was grieved and know that, once again, I knew him so little compared to those around me.

I know today's blog is somewhat less than upbeat. I do apologize for this. Thankfully, because of my Christian upbringing, though I may have these feelings on occasion, I do know that all of these men have moved on to a better place and that their lives and their deaths should be celebrated for that reason. However, it is difficult to not mourn what could have been.

On a much more positive note... As we were walking back toward the cars. Mariana was walking hand in hand with her Pong and Ping. I watched them swing her and the joy she was feeling being with them was quite evident. It warmed my heart greatly to know that she would feel a closeness with both of her grandfathers that I somewhat missed in my life.

The Latest at Home

So... Mariana has finally fully recovered from her stomach virus. It was a gross experience. Eventually, I did end up taking her to the pediatrician, just to be sure that she was ok and to be sure that it was, in fact, JUST a stomach virus. She handled it quite well, recovered nicely, and, thankfully, no one else caught it.

School is going well. I am currently writing my first paper. It is about John Donne's usage of imagery in his love poetry (mostly discussing "The Sun Rising" and "The Good Morrow") and how the persona in these specific poems creates a microcosm of their love and relationship. More or less, that's it with that. I feel rather confident in my classes this semester, and I believe I will do quite well. Phillip has been ever supportive and helpful. His classes are also going quite well.

I've begun keeping Lily during the week. That has been surprisingly easy to transition into. The easiest and most difficult part of my day is nap times. Lily and Maddy somehow ended up on the exact same schedule before I ever began watching Lily. They both nap between 8:30 AM and 9 and again sometime around noon. This means that i have two tired 6 month olds at the exact same moment. Both refuse to go to sleep on their own and require love and affection to take them to dreamland: which means that I have one cranky crier until the other falls asleep. But, they are always asleep at the same time which makes the hour that they are asleep that much more worth the effort of getting them to sleep. It has been fun and enjoyable having her in addition to my two.

I've also seen Mariana open up and begin playing with Lily in the same ways she plays with Maddy, which has been fun to see. She treats her as an additional little sister, and she plays with her and entertains her. She has been very helpful and sweet.

Maddy is getting rather big quickly. The other day, Lily was sitting in the walker and Maddy was showing interest in seeing the tray so I took her over to it and she grabbed the tray to the walker and stood there by herself while I let go. Later, I demonstrated this to Phil and Madeline stood there for a full 5 minutes.

That's pretty much all that is new for now. I'll try to write again this week.

The Joys of Motherhood, lol...

This semester is extremely busy for Phillip and myself. I'm taking 2 college classes and he has to finish up some requirements for his Professional Teacher Certification. This means that on Mondays and Tuesdays, after coming home from work, he goes to school. It's not much, but it does keep him pretty much MIA both days. Wednesday thru Friday evenings he's home.

But, today is not Wednesday. Today is Tuesday. Naturally, Tuesday is the day of the week that my darling child decides to be most sick. Mariana seemed to be recovering quite well from her little stomach bug. In fact, symptoms were almost completely gone as of today. I took her to the store and we had a fun, somewhat, energetic shopping spree at the grocery store. Then we came home. Mariana spent the first two hours after coming home vomiting and with diarrhea. I have no idea how such a wee little thing held so much in her, but I got the joy of seeing so much come out.

Before becomming a mother, I had one of the weakest stomachs you could imagine. Ask anyone, lol. Someone gagging in front of me would make me ill, a smell, something gross looking, even movies with parts that had others laughing... EW! I tell you on days like today, I wonder where that Cassie went. So far this evening, I've been vomited on, and then while holding my darling child on my lap as she vomited into a bucket that I happened to be holding, I was pooped on. All of this on the evening that Phillip is gone.

Everyone pray for my poor little munchkin to feel better. She's so sweet through all of it. She says "I so so sorry Mommy" everytime she vomits. Then, "Its OK Mommy. I all better." I'm working on keeping her well hydrated. She's just fallen asleep about 10 minutes ago. Hopefully, she'll be better soon. Pray also that Maddy doesn't get ill. I can't see a little 6 month old going through all of this!

11 Years Later

Can you believe it? Phillip and I have been an US for 11 years. My husband and I started dating January 14, 1997. Aside from about 8 days total (because I'm a stupid head on occasion), we've been together since that day.

It's so hard to believe. Last night I was laying on the couch using his leg as a pillow, just looking at him. I was telling him about how much I remember of our earlier years. I can close my eyes and picture Phil in sixth grade, with his side part and glasses... Then I see him in 9th grade, still so thin, with his smirky smile... How many women can close their eyes and picture their husband as the 14 year old boy they grew to love. I mean, WOW. He's become the most amazing man from the most charming boy.

On top of just having each other for 11 years, God has granted us 2 incredible daughters. They are such a wonderful blend of the 2 of us. Mariana has some of the Johnston crazy in her with the Clark hardheadedness. She makes silly comments and sounds and gets this crazy smile with big crazy eyes and I see a little Phil. Then she puts her hands on her hips and with a little attitude says, "I don't think so Mommy," and I see me. We created her. Phillip, God, and I combined to make her. And don't even get me started on Madeline. Oh my, she's a sweetheart. She sits up now. She rolls herself over. She's getting more stable by the day. But more importantly, this child has an inner light that just melts everyone. I can't even describe it. She smiles at you and her entire being glows. She loves us so much.

When I said "yes" to that 14 year old boy who asked me out... I made the most important decision and took the most important step toward the beginning of my life. Amazing, isn't it? I was only 14 and I was already shaping my adult life with the man of my dreams. God is so smart.

Another Fulfilling Year of Marraige

Today my husband and I celebrated our 4th Wedding Anniversary. Beth and Kristina came over and babysat the girls for us, and we treated ourselves to a delicious dinner at Chili's.

After dinner Alan and Mike joined us and we had a grand time playing Mario Party, and other games. We had a great Anniversary.

While celebrated the joy of our Marraige, I'd like to say thank you to Mom and Dad, Mom and Dad, and the rest of our family who are fantastic examples to us. Phillip and I understand what it is to be married because all of you taught us the importance of Marraige. Without you as an example of love and compromise, we would not have truly appreciated what we were entering into 4 years ago.