There are officially only 5 days left until Christmas and I still haven't finished shopping. I did complete the majority of my shopping, but I have one final trip to Best Buy to complete and then I should be done. Phil and I are really excited about Christmas this year, with it being Mariana's first Christmas and all. I can't wait to see her play with her toys. I'm not silly enough to think that she is going to really grasp the whole concept or anything, but it'll be fun nonetheless.
She got a letter from Santa Claus this year. It was really sweet and made me cry. I think I'm a total crybaby when it comes to my daughter, every milestone and monumental moment brings me to tears... and every little moment for that matter. Being a parent is probably one of the most rewarding things in the world. The only thing equals it is being a wife. It takes a lot sometimes to fully dedicate ourselves completely and totally to another, but when we can do so it is the most rewarding and wonderful ways to live. For the rest of my life I know that if I have Phil and Mariana, I'm happy and complete.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Friday, November 25, 2005
Thanksgiving
Today was Thanksgiving, obviously. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for the very first time today. I must say I am extremely impressed with myself... It really did turn out quite delicious. The stuffing, turkey, and potatoes were all awesome. It just ended up being a really nice day. Now, however, I'm quite tired and feeling a tad grumpy. I don't know why exactly. Maybe it's just because it's 10 PM and I'm sleepy.
Mariana is standing next to me and every time I look at her she gives me this HUGE grin flashing her four teeth at me. I swear she's just far too sweet for her own good. Her new favorite song is Itsy Bitsy Spider, and she loves to fake cough. I don't know why I put that in here besides to share how cute she is.
Anyway... I just thought I'd update.
Life is good. I'm extremely happy and everything is going really really well. Phil's shaping up to be a good teacher (who would have expected otherwise) and Mariana is getting so big and smarter everyday. My health is doing better, it's been well over a full month since I last passed out. So, needless to say, I'm happy and I love it.
See, now I feel less grumpy... Maybe I needed to remind myself that I'm happy.
Mariana is standing next to me and every time I look at her she gives me this HUGE grin flashing her four teeth at me. I swear she's just far too sweet for her own good. Her new favorite song is Itsy Bitsy Spider, and she loves to fake cough. I don't know why I put that in here besides to share how cute she is.
Anyway... I just thought I'd update.
Life is good. I'm extremely happy and everything is going really really well. Phil's shaping up to be a good teacher (who would have expected otherwise) and Mariana is getting so big and smarter everyday. My health is doing better, it's been well over a full month since I last passed out. So, needless to say, I'm happy and I love it.
See, now I feel less grumpy... Maybe I needed to remind myself that I'm happy.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Bye Bye Wisdom Teeth
OK, so my wisdom teeth are out and all I can say is OUCH! My mouth is killing me. I'm taking pain meds, but damn having your wisdom teeth removed is an unpleasant experience. I really should have gotten this done back when I was first supposed to in 2001... I didn't have a baby to take care of then.
Phillip, God love him, has been the best husband in the world tonight. He's let me sleep, brought me medicine, taken care of the baby, and anything else I've needed. I'm so glad I have someone I can truly depend on. He's my hero.
My mother-in-law was an extreme help, she drove me, picked me up, and fronted me half the money until the 31st of the month. God bless my family.
Tomorrow will be a bit more difficult simply because Phil will be at work. My mother-in-law is here but she'll be working and my sister-in-law said she would help, but I know every else has there things to do so it all kind of falls back to mom. My mother might come over tomorrow and that'll be a big help if she does. We'll just have to see.
Oh well. For all those out there who need to get wisdom teeth taken out, the procedure is cake, no problem whatsoever... it hurts like hell afterward, but get it taken care of sooner rather than later.
Phillip, God love him, has been the best husband in the world tonight. He's let me sleep, brought me medicine, taken care of the baby, and anything else I've needed. I'm so glad I have someone I can truly depend on. He's my hero.
My mother-in-law was an extreme help, she drove me, picked me up, and fronted me half the money until the 31st of the month. God bless my family.
Tomorrow will be a bit more difficult simply because Phil will be at work. My mother-in-law is here but she'll be working and my sister-in-law said she would help, but I know every else has there things to do so it all kind of falls back to mom. My mother might come over tomorrow and that'll be a big help if she does. We'll just have to see.
Oh well. For all those out there who need to get wisdom teeth taken out, the procedure is cake, no problem whatsoever... it hurts like hell afterward, but get it taken care of sooner rather than later.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
What's up today
In case anyone was wondering, my mother went through surgery and she is fine.
We planned my sister-in-laws baby shower for last Saturday. It wasn't big, but it was the absolute best we could do. I know I did my best to host it with my mother. I think it went well. She got tons of stuff. I've never seen so much pink... I think I'm actually glad that I was unaware of Mariana's sex until she was born. I couldn't imagine people buying that much pink for us. I didn't even like pink until she was born and it's still not one of my favorites. Grace told mom that it will be quite a while before she buys the baby something pink. I can definitely understand.
She's due November 10, but we don't think she'll wait that long. She's started to dilate and the doctor said if she reaches 3 cm, he'll break her water and speed things along... They are thinking of naming their daughter Faith. It's my favorite of all the names they've come up with, so I hope they do name her Faith.
Mariana is getting super big. Her top two teeth are fighting to break through the gums. Needless to say she's been kind of cranky lately. She's a good baby though. She is mastering the art of standing while holding on to things. She is forever finding something to pull herself up on, and from what I can tell she prefers to stand and play. It can almost be impossible to keep her sitting. She also discovers different syllables all the time. For quite a while all we heard was Da and Ma, now we're getting Ba and an occasional Ca. New sounds. She also likes to blow rasberries all the time... Still a super cute thing.
Phil finished his first quarter of school and he's doing great. He's seems to enjoy it and he gets a lot of good feedback from administration and parents... I think he's shaping up to be a truly spectacular teacher.
Well, that's it I guess. I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed today, so fun stuff for me.
Catch ya'll later.
We planned my sister-in-laws baby shower for last Saturday. It wasn't big, but it was the absolute best we could do. I know I did my best to host it with my mother. I think it went well. She got tons of stuff. I've never seen so much pink... I think I'm actually glad that I was unaware of Mariana's sex until she was born. I couldn't imagine people buying that much pink for us. I didn't even like pink until she was born and it's still not one of my favorites. Grace told mom that it will be quite a while before she buys the baby something pink. I can definitely understand.
She's due November 10, but we don't think she'll wait that long. She's started to dilate and the doctor said if she reaches 3 cm, he'll break her water and speed things along... They are thinking of naming their daughter Faith. It's my favorite of all the names they've come up with, so I hope they do name her Faith.
Mariana is getting super big. Her top two teeth are fighting to break through the gums. Needless to say she's been kind of cranky lately. She's a good baby though. She is mastering the art of standing while holding on to things. She is forever finding something to pull herself up on, and from what I can tell she prefers to stand and play. It can almost be impossible to keep her sitting. She also discovers different syllables all the time. For quite a while all we heard was Da and Ma, now we're getting Ba and an occasional Ca. New sounds. She also likes to blow rasberries all the time... Still a super cute thing.
Phil finished his first quarter of school and he's doing great. He's seems to enjoy it and he gets a lot of good feedback from administration and parents... I think he's shaping up to be a truly spectacular teacher.
Well, that's it I guess. I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed today, so fun stuff for me.
Catch ya'll later.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Today Sucks
My mom is going in for surgery again today. I'm worried about her and about the fact that I'm not there. Part of me is concerned that she's mad at me because I haven't been there as much as I used to. It's just much harder for me because of the baby and my health and stuff like that. So, I'm super worried about her... I do hope everything is ok.
Then, just to make the day better... I woke up this morning, went to stand up out of bed, and wouldn't you know the room started friggin spinning. Wonderful. So I have to lay back down, my husband brings me my medicine, and I have to spend the next three damn hours laying there hoping I'll feel better soon. Added to the fact that I have to lay there and try to keep my daughter safe. I fed her a bottle while laying there and then coaxed her to sleep. That was hard as hell today. So now I'm awake and I'm able to move around a bit without overwhelming dizziness. But, my throat is scratchy and killing me from the medication (it's a side effect) and I know from experience that it won't go away for a couple of hours.
I hate days where you just feel COMPLETELY tense. It's like, you're in a bad mood and don't know how to get out of it. It just sucks.
Then, just to make the day better... I woke up this morning, went to stand up out of bed, and wouldn't you know the room started friggin spinning. Wonderful. So I have to lay back down, my husband brings me my medicine, and I have to spend the next three damn hours laying there hoping I'll feel better soon. Added to the fact that I have to lay there and try to keep my daughter safe. I fed her a bottle while laying there and then coaxed her to sleep. That was hard as hell today. So now I'm awake and I'm able to move around a bit without overwhelming dizziness. But, my throat is scratchy and killing me from the medication (it's a side effect) and I know from experience that it won't go away for a couple of hours.
I hate days where you just feel COMPLETELY tense. It's like, you're in a bad mood and don't know how to get out of it. It just sucks.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Dentists
I officially hate dentists and all dental work. I have to go get a root canal. I have to have all 4 wisdom teeth removed. I have to have a filling. All of this means I have to pay out the ass. Dental insurance is well and good but it only covers so much.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Random Thoughts
I often try to think about what my life would be like if just one thing had been different. What would have happened if I had never started passing out? What if Misty hadn't wanted me to befriend Phillip in middle school? What if my parents had decided to move to Texas instead of Florida? What if I'd waited to get married until after college? What if I'd have stayed in Catholic High School? What if my mother had never had surgery last year?
If we change just one thing in our pasts, the entire outcome of our lives could be different.
Why is that an important statement? It's important to remember that because every action changes the outcome of our lives. Even the smallest actions. Had I not decided to call Phillip and ask for his advice my freshman year of high school, I may not be married to him now. We hadn't spoken two friendly words to each other in over 3 months, in fact we'd been quite rude to one another and in speaking about one another... Yet for some reason I was compelled to ask HIS advice and I swallowed my pride and dialed his number. You wouldn't think that one phone call could change your life, but it does. What are we doing and what are we involved in now that we may regret? Are we really working and acting in our best interest, in the best interest of our children and our future? I ask myself that when I make decisions. When I act on my decisions I try to decide whether or not my actions affect all those around me.
Nothing we do affects only us. Every action, every decision, and everything we say can change someone else's life for better or for worse... can change our own life for better or for worse.
I said the words I hate you to my mother twice in my entire life, both times in anger. Sometimes I wonder if she remembers that I said them. We all say words of anger. We call people names and tell them hateful and cruel things. I've said things to my husband that I later wish I could've taken back, countless things to my parents throughout my teen years, and to many friends. I've apologized to everyone for the things I've said that hurt them. But, wouldn't it have been better had I not said them?
The point in all of this is that sometimes we need to learn to not speak. We need to learn to think instead of feel. We can save ourselves and so many others a great deal of pain and heartache by being open and loving, by thinking of their pain and not just our own.
I know many are wondering why I decided to journal all of this tonight. Oddly enough, I just woke from a dream I had. I dreamed I was 14 years old and I broke up with Phil... Now, that's not exactly a false dream... I did break up with Phillip twice when we were 14 years old. Both times, I asked for forgiveness the very next day and explained why I said what I had the night before. But in my dream, the second time I broke up with him he told me that I hurt him one too many times and that he wouldn't take me back. In my dream I had a sense of loneliness that I have never experienced in real life. I now think that it's an amazing thing that I can even feel that alone in a dream since I have no recollection of ever truly feeling lonely at all. But I remember thinking as I woke up that it was my fault. My actions had been unforgivable and I had lost someone that I valued more than life. So, it got me to thinking, what if Phillip hadn't forgiven me when I was 14? Then of course the what ifs just kept going... I do know that if he hadn't forgiven me, I wouldn't be blissfully married, I wouldn't have that beautiful little girl that is sleeping peacefully, and I wouldn't be the person that I am today.
So, Thank you. Thank you Phillip for loving me enough to forgive my faults and my mistakes. Thank you mom and dad for being able to love me through my difficult times and to not hold all of the angry words I'd ever spoken against me. Thank you everyone who has ever forgiven me for anything I have done to you that was unfair or unjust...
I like to think that I am a loving and compassionate person, but I will make a conscious effort to think of all people who are affected by my actions and words a little more closely. I only hope that by doing so I am an inspiration to others. Perhaps if I am more thoughtful of the feelings of others, someone might feel compelled to be so to the people in their life, and so on and so on...
If we change just one thing in our pasts, the entire outcome of our lives could be different.
Why is that an important statement? It's important to remember that because every action changes the outcome of our lives. Even the smallest actions. Had I not decided to call Phillip and ask for his advice my freshman year of high school, I may not be married to him now. We hadn't spoken two friendly words to each other in over 3 months, in fact we'd been quite rude to one another and in speaking about one another... Yet for some reason I was compelled to ask HIS advice and I swallowed my pride and dialed his number. You wouldn't think that one phone call could change your life, but it does. What are we doing and what are we involved in now that we may regret? Are we really working and acting in our best interest, in the best interest of our children and our future? I ask myself that when I make decisions. When I act on my decisions I try to decide whether or not my actions affect all those around me.
Nothing we do affects only us. Every action, every decision, and everything we say can change someone else's life for better or for worse... can change our own life for better or for worse.
I said the words I hate you to my mother twice in my entire life, both times in anger. Sometimes I wonder if she remembers that I said them. We all say words of anger. We call people names and tell them hateful and cruel things. I've said things to my husband that I later wish I could've taken back, countless things to my parents throughout my teen years, and to many friends. I've apologized to everyone for the things I've said that hurt them. But, wouldn't it have been better had I not said them?
The point in all of this is that sometimes we need to learn to not speak. We need to learn to think instead of feel. We can save ourselves and so many others a great deal of pain and heartache by being open and loving, by thinking of their pain and not just our own.
I know many are wondering why I decided to journal all of this tonight. Oddly enough, I just woke from a dream I had. I dreamed I was 14 years old and I broke up with Phil... Now, that's not exactly a false dream... I did break up with Phillip twice when we were 14 years old. Both times, I asked for forgiveness the very next day and explained why I said what I had the night before. But in my dream, the second time I broke up with him he told me that I hurt him one too many times and that he wouldn't take me back. In my dream I had a sense of loneliness that I have never experienced in real life. I now think that it's an amazing thing that I can even feel that alone in a dream since I have no recollection of ever truly feeling lonely at all. But I remember thinking as I woke up that it was my fault. My actions had been unforgivable and I had lost someone that I valued more than life. So, it got me to thinking, what if Phillip hadn't forgiven me when I was 14? Then of course the what ifs just kept going... I do know that if he hadn't forgiven me, I wouldn't be blissfully married, I wouldn't have that beautiful little girl that is sleeping peacefully, and I wouldn't be the person that I am today.
So, Thank you. Thank you Phillip for loving me enough to forgive my faults and my mistakes. Thank you mom and dad for being able to love me through my difficult times and to not hold all of the angry words I'd ever spoken against me. Thank you everyone who has ever forgiven me for anything I have done to you that was unfair or unjust...
I like to think that I am a loving and compassionate person, but I will make a conscious effort to think of all people who are affected by my actions and words a little more closely. I only hope that by doing so I am an inspiration to others. Perhaps if I am more thoughtful of the feelings of others, someone might feel compelled to be so to the people in their life, and so on and so on...
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Buccaneers
OK... I'm thrilled that we won. But if you watched the same game I watched, it was messy. That just wasn't a happy win. Regardless, the Bucs do go on to be 4-0. I hope that the rest of the games aren't the nail biting suspenseful experience that today's game was.
Friday, September 30, 2005
It's Jamie O'Neal Day
OK, next song
"Somebody's Hero"
She's never pulled anyone from a burning building
She's never rocked Central Park to a half a million fans, screaming out her name
She's never hit a shot to win the game
She's never left her footprints on the moon
She's never made a solo hot air balloon ride, around the world,
No, she's just your everyday average girl (but)
She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero
She didn't get a check every week like a nine-to fiver
But she's been a waiter, and a cook and a taxi driver
For twenty years, there at home, until the day her girl was grown
Giving all her love to her was her life's ambition
But now her baby's movin' on, and she'll soon be missin' her
But not today, those are tears of joy runnin' down her face
She's somebody's hero
A hero to her daughter in her wedding dress
She gave her wings to leave the nest
It hurts to let her baby go down the aisle she walks right by
Looks back into her mother's eyes
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero
Thirty years have flown right past
Her daughters' starin' at all the photographs
Of her mother, and she wishes she could be like that
Oh, but she already is
She's somebody's hero
A hero to her mother in a rockin' chair
She runs a brush through her silver hair
The envy of the nursing home
She drops by every afternoon
Feeds her mama with a spoon
And that smile lets her know
Her mother's smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero
All right. I officially love Jamie O'Neal. When I stopped working, it wasn't the easiest decision... But, it is a decision I don't regret. Sometime after making the decision to do so until my health got better, I realized what it meant. Since I couldn't work anymore, I had the option of taking care of Mariana. Now some people might think that being a full time stay at home mom isn't a huge deal or whatever. But I remember what it was like to have my mom at home with us and how much more I appreciate it now that I'm grown. Well, if there is ever a song to put that into words, this one does. When I told Phil that I didn't mind being at home so much, I told him that I was remembering how much my mother was there for me. I said, and I'll repeat it verbatim, "If I can be half of what my mother was for me to Mariana, then it'll be worth every second."
I think Jamie did an awesome job putting the feeling to words.
"Somebody's Hero"
She's never pulled anyone from a burning building
She's never rocked Central Park to a half a million fans, screaming out her name
She's never hit a shot to win the game
She's never left her footprints on the moon
She's never made a solo hot air balloon ride, around the world,
No, she's just your everyday average girl (but)
She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero
She didn't get a check every week like a nine-to fiver
But she's been a waiter, and a cook and a taxi driver
For twenty years, there at home, until the day her girl was grown
Giving all her love to her was her life's ambition
But now her baby's movin' on, and she'll soon be missin' her
But not today, those are tears of joy runnin' down her face
She's somebody's hero
A hero to her daughter in her wedding dress
She gave her wings to leave the nest
It hurts to let her baby go down the aisle she walks right by
Looks back into her mother's eyes
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero
Thirty years have flown right past
Her daughters' starin' at all the photographs
Of her mother, and she wishes she could be like that
Oh, but she already is
She's somebody's hero
A hero to her mother in a rockin' chair
She runs a brush through her silver hair
The envy of the nursing home
She drops by every afternoon
Feeds her mama with a spoon
And that smile lets her know
Her mother's smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero
All right. I officially love Jamie O'Neal. When I stopped working, it wasn't the easiest decision... But, it is a decision I don't regret. Sometime after making the decision to do so until my health got better, I realized what it meant. Since I couldn't work anymore, I had the option of taking care of Mariana. Now some people might think that being a full time stay at home mom isn't a huge deal or whatever. But I remember what it was like to have my mom at home with us and how much more I appreciate it now that I'm grown. Well, if there is ever a song to put that into words, this one does. When I told Phil that I didn't mind being at home so much, I told him that I was remembering how much my mother was there for me. I said, and I'll repeat it verbatim, "If I can be half of what my mother was for me to Mariana, then it'll be worth every second."
I think Jamie did an awesome job putting the feeling to words.
My Life
I listen to every type of music you can imagine. I love music. There is a song for ever mood and for every feeling. I was listening to Jamie O'neal this morning. Jamie O'neal is a country music singer. She sings a couple of songs that I like. Well, I have Rhapsody so I downloaded her cd (legally, I pay a subscription and all of that) to hear the rest of her songs. She sings a song called On My Way to You. The refrain:
On my way to you
There were things I didn't understand
I didn't see the plan
But now I do
There were no mistakes and no bad moves
No, I wouldn't change a thing that I went through
On my way to you
My husband and I were just talking about that on Wednesday evening. Our lives weren't always easy and we've made some mistake, I made most of them. But, I told him that I wouldn't change a second of my life. I wouldn't give up anything, I wouldn't even go back in time to correct any of the mistakes I've made. Every step of my life has guided me to this moment. This moment I am a mother to a beautiful and brilliant little girl and wife to an amazing man. Why change anything that led me to this moment? I'm in paradise.
On my way to you
There were things I didn't understand
I didn't see the plan
But now I do
There were no mistakes and no bad moves
No, I wouldn't change a thing that I went through
On my way to you
My husband and I were just talking about that on Wednesday evening. Our lives weren't always easy and we've made some mistake, I made most of them. But, I told him that I wouldn't change a second of my life. I wouldn't give up anything, I wouldn't even go back in time to correct any of the mistakes I've made. Every step of my life has guided me to this moment. This moment I am a mother to a beautiful and brilliant little girl and wife to an amazing man. Why change anything that led me to this moment? I'm in paradise.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Today
Today I didn't do my customary morning things. I typically get up, get Phil's clothes together, iron them, make his lunch, and feed Mariana a jar of baby food. Today, I told Phil what he was wearing from the bed, let him take care of his clothes, made sure he had cash for lunch, and made Mariana a bottle. I'm just so tired. I did a lot of work in our room yesterday, even down to rearranging furniture. I started at 8-9 in the morning and finished at around 4 in the afternoon. I know that doesn't sound like much, just a typical 9 to 5 type job, but we're talking moving, cleaning, organizing, and taking care of Mariana... I was tired when I got done. But today, today I'm exhausted. I feel like my body is punishing me. I'm supposed to be taking it kind of easy anyway until my cardiologist figures out how to make my symptoms less problematic. High levels of activity just throw my body off completely.
I started my second medication today... We'll see how that goes. I'm actually getting a little angry I think. But, I'm probably only angry because I'm too tired to remember how I shouldn't be angry. It's just that it occurred to me that I'm taking 9 pills a day now. The doctor has me swallowing 9 pills just to see if it makes a difference. Then if it doesn't and the second meds side effects don't bother me too much, I'm supposed to start taking that twice a day in a week from now. That'll be 10 pills. Who the hell wants to take 10 pills a day. Who the hell can remember to take 10 pills a day. I'm going to need some kind of reminder that'll go off every 4 hours, "Cass, it's time to take your medicine." I guess it is helping... It's hard to tell. So anyway, today is my bitch about how tired I am and how I feel like crap. Hopefully, by the end of the day, or even by noon, I'll feel better, the medicine will have kicked in and take some of this overwhelming tiredness away.
I started my second medication today... We'll see how that goes. I'm actually getting a little angry I think. But, I'm probably only angry because I'm too tired to remember how I shouldn't be angry. It's just that it occurred to me that I'm taking 9 pills a day now. The doctor has me swallowing 9 pills just to see if it makes a difference. Then if it doesn't and the second meds side effects don't bother me too much, I'm supposed to start taking that twice a day in a week from now. That'll be 10 pills. Who the hell wants to take 10 pills a day. Who the hell can remember to take 10 pills a day. I'm going to need some kind of reminder that'll go off every 4 hours, "Cass, it's time to take your medicine." I guess it is helping... It's hard to tell. So anyway, today is my bitch about how tired I am and how I feel like crap. Hopefully, by the end of the day, or even by noon, I'll feel better, the medicine will have kicked in and take some of this overwhelming tiredness away.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
World of Warcraft
This only works for you out there who like MMORPGs.
I play World of Warcraft with my husband, and a bunch of other people. Well really my whole family... My husband, my mother, my father, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, my brother, my brothers wife, my sister, my sister-in-law, my sister-in-law's husband, my other sister-in-law, my uncle, my aunt, my cousin, Phil's cousin, a friend and her two kids, and another friend. We're on Bloodhoof, guild Master's of the Universe for any WOWers out there. Oh and we're Horde.
So I'm playing on Sunday night... And I run LBRS with some friends from Ohio, who are eerily like my husband and myself, and I'm a level 60 Hunter... Well Voone dropped my BEASTSTALKER'S GLOVES!!!! So, I now have 6 pieces of my BS set as of Sunday night. This is majorly exciting to me... All I needed was my Cap and my Tunic. Well, last night I decide to run an UBRS... My father was getting a raid together in Orgrimmar so I joined up with him and 13 other people. So, we're in UBRS and there is one other hunter in the group and both of us need our tunic... We get through the whole instance and it's starting to look like there's no way we make it. Then my husband gets invited after he finishes ST because we lost a shammy... Zultan, my husband Phil, comes in at just the right time because we had just wiped and there are no re-incarnates left with our other shammy and the soulstone isn't ready yet. So he rezzes a shammy and the shammy rezzes the rest of us. We make it through the raid and kill Drakk... What drops? Beaststalker's Tunic. That's right people... I compete with one other hunter for the Tunic and she rolls a 9. Boom, I win. One more set piece and I'm 8/8.
I play World of Warcraft with my husband, and a bunch of other people. Well really my whole family... My husband, my mother, my father, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, my brother, my brothers wife, my sister, my sister-in-law, my sister-in-law's husband, my other sister-in-law, my uncle, my aunt, my cousin, Phil's cousin, a friend and her two kids, and another friend. We're on Bloodhoof, guild Master's of the Universe for any WOWers out there. Oh and we're Horde.
So I'm playing on Sunday night... And I run LBRS with some friends from Ohio, who are eerily like my husband and myself, and I'm a level 60 Hunter... Well Voone dropped my BEASTSTALKER'S GLOVES!!!! So, I now have 6 pieces of my BS set as of Sunday night. This is majorly exciting to me... All I needed was my Cap and my Tunic. Well, last night I decide to run an UBRS... My father was getting a raid together in Orgrimmar so I joined up with him and 13 other people. So, we're in UBRS and there is one other hunter in the group and both of us need our tunic... We get through the whole instance and it's starting to look like there's no way we make it. Then my husband gets invited after he finishes ST because we lost a shammy... Zultan, my husband Phil, comes in at just the right time because we had just wiped and there are no re-incarnates left with our other shammy and the soulstone isn't ready yet. So he rezzes a shammy and the shammy rezzes the rest of us. We make it through the raid and kill Drakk... What drops? Beaststalker's Tunic. That's right people... I compete with one other hunter for the Tunic and she rolls a 9. Boom, I win. One more set piece and I'm 8/8.
Updates
OK... First lets start with Sunday. May I say GO BUCS? I think I may. The game did get a bit rocky toward the end there, but seriously, we actually seem to have a running game. I believe hell has frozen over. I cannot believe we are 3 and 0. I am a definite Buccaneers fan and have been since well before we won the Super Bowl, but I am honest enough to say that I truly expected us to SUCK this year. It feels so good to be proved wrong about some things. I'm so excited to see what happens with the rest of the season...
Next, this week has been fairly uneventful, but it is only Tuesday. Phil is doing great with work. We had a fabulous weekend. There is nothing like spending an entire weekend just relaxing and loving your husband... Heaven. We played, watched tv, relaxed, and just enjoyed each other and the baby.
Ok, now I have a diverse set of interests. I truly do like many different things. My most recent hobby is scrapbooking. Its actually really fun to do and I get to put all of our memories down in an artistic way. I am currently scrapbooking our honeymoon and then I'm going to move onto the Mariana Scrapbook.
Next, this week has been fairly uneventful, but it is only Tuesday. Phil is doing great with work. We had a fabulous weekend. There is nothing like spending an entire weekend just relaxing and loving your husband... Heaven. We played, watched tv, relaxed, and just enjoyed each other and the baby.
Ok, now I have a diverse set of interests. I truly do like many different things. My most recent hobby is scrapbooking. Its actually really fun to do and I get to put all of our memories down in an artistic way. I am currently scrapbooking our honeymoon and then I'm going to move onto the Mariana Scrapbook.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
My Daughter...
Today I had to go to my Cardiologist. My mother-in-law drove me and Mariana to the Largo office. I can't drive at present due to some health issues, so I'm always very appreciative of my family when they can help me out. So, she drove us up and the three of us go into the office. Well, that was so awesome.
I hate going to the doctor... I really do. It's always the same questions with the same results. But, walking in with a 7 month old little girl on your hip changes things quite a bit. I was up at the counter giving the receptionist my new insurance card and paying my co-pay. Mariana was on my hip smiling at all the new faces and waving around the insurance card she took out of my hand. In seconds we were swarmed by friendly faces. Everyone wanted to see my little girl. I must say, that is one of the best feelings. When you have everyone telling you how beautiful your child is, how smart she is, and just how precious. I really is an affirmation to watch the child that I am raising melt the hearts of all those around her.
My mother-in-law stayed in the waiting room with her while I went back to the doctor and the nurse actually had a hard time keeping to the questions that I usually get because she had so many about Mariana. When the doctor came in, he did his usual routine of questions and then caught me off guard at the end by asking, "How is that little girl of yours?" Babies make everyone more approachable. Mariana can break down the facade of indifference that so many adults live behind with just a smile.
When I went back out to the waiting room, Mom was feeding Mariana a bottle... I was back with the doctor for probably a half hour or so and the receptionist looked at me and said, "You have the best baby... She was so good the whole time you were back there." I, of course, give partial credit to my mother-in-law for taking such good care of her while I was seeing the doctor, but it's also the fact that she has the most joyful disposition.
I just love her.
I hate going to the doctor... I really do. It's always the same questions with the same results. But, walking in with a 7 month old little girl on your hip changes things quite a bit. I was up at the counter giving the receptionist my new insurance card and paying my co-pay. Mariana was on my hip smiling at all the new faces and waving around the insurance card she took out of my hand. In seconds we were swarmed by friendly faces. Everyone wanted to see my little girl. I must say, that is one of the best feelings. When you have everyone telling you how beautiful your child is, how smart she is, and just how precious. I really is an affirmation to watch the child that I am raising melt the hearts of all those around her.
My mother-in-law stayed in the waiting room with her while I went back to the doctor and the nurse actually had a hard time keeping to the questions that I usually get because she had so many about Mariana. When the doctor came in, he did his usual routine of questions and then caught me off guard at the end by asking, "How is that little girl of yours?" Babies make everyone more approachable. Mariana can break down the facade of indifference that so many adults live behind with just a smile.
When I went back out to the waiting room, Mom was feeding Mariana a bottle... I was back with the doctor for probably a half hour or so and the receptionist looked at me and said, "You have the best baby... She was so good the whole time you were back there." I, of course, give partial credit to my mother-in-law for taking such good care of her while I was seeing the doctor, but it's also the fact that she has the most joyful disposition.
I just love her.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Relationships
A friend of mine and I were talking recently... I hope he doesn't mind my posting this. Anyway, we were talking recently about different things. You know, the types of things people talk about, like relationships, life, kids and such. Well, we were talking about his relationship and some of its recent difficulties. He told me that his wife and he had a few arguments about their different interests. How his wife thought his interests in video games and other such activities were somewhat juvenile. My friend is my age... He's an adult with children of his own, goes to work everyday, and that sort of thing. He just happens to enjoy certain cartoons and video games as a form of release and entertainment.
My husband likes Ren & Stimpy. Of all things a person could like, my husband likes Ren & Stimpy. I despise and loathe Ren & Stimpy with a passion. If they had an anti-Ren & Stimpy campaign, I might have joined it once upon a time ago. But, because my husband likes them, I would take myself right back off of that campaign.
When you love someone, you love all of them. I love the fact that my husband can spend 8 hours straight on a video game, even though it might exasperate me... I love the fact that I asked him to read ONE fictional novel, one of any novel really, in the course of our 9 year relationship and that he's been reading it for over a year and a half. I even love the fact that I get to listen to countless, and I do mean countless, Physics lessons even though I hated Physics in high school. I love to watch my husband's excitement over all of the things he loves, no matter how mundane, boring, irritating, or childish some might find those very same things. I find that I now like those things. I like them because they bring him joy. I will cherish anything that brings him joy. Over the years I've found myself asking him questions about things that he finds interest in, even though I don't really care about the subject, just to include myself in the other loves of his life. I listen to stories and jokes about Strongbad, special relativity, computer parts, and I'll even listen about Ren & Stimpy. I love him that much.
To my friend I say... Whether you are interested in cartoons or architecture, video games or museums, computers or books doesn't matter. Just because someone would rather be admiring the many things a painting could represent doesn't make them any smarter than you are... It just means that they have different interests. I think people are intelligent when they are capable of not only expressing their interests, but also at embrassing the interests of others. If all people spent a lifetime knocking down other people because of their interests and beliefs, then the Nazis would have won, prejudice would be an even more rampant problem, and the world of art that some might love so much would be very limited indeed.
And although I'm sure that life doesn't seem very optimistic at the moment... One day you will come to be valued because of your interests, not in spite of them. To those who might have called you juvenile and not understand why you could like the things you do, I remind them that Picasso was not very popular, Van Gogh was very lonely, and Einstein was thought to be quite mad by some. There are many painters throughout history that I'm sure were told by their parents that painting was nothing more than a childhood hobby that they ought to leave behind as they become adults.
My husband likes Ren & Stimpy. Of all things a person could like, my husband likes Ren & Stimpy. I despise and loathe Ren & Stimpy with a passion. If they had an anti-Ren & Stimpy campaign, I might have joined it once upon a time ago. But, because my husband likes them, I would take myself right back off of that campaign.
When you love someone, you love all of them. I love the fact that my husband can spend 8 hours straight on a video game, even though it might exasperate me... I love the fact that I asked him to read ONE fictional novel, one of any novel really, in the course of our 9 year relationship and that he's been reading it for over a year and a half. I even love the fact that I get to listen to countless, and I do mean countless, Physics lessons even though I hated Physics in high school. I love to watch my husband's excitement over all of the things he loves, no matter how mundane, boring, irritating, or childish some might find those very same things. I find that I now like those things. I like them because they bring him joy. I will cherish anything that brings him joy. Over the years I've found myself asking him questions about things that he finds interest in, even though I don't really care about the subject, just to include myself in the other loves of his life. I listen to stories and jokes about Strongbad, special relativity, computer parts, and I'll even listen about Ren & Stimpy. I love him that much.
To my friend I say... Whether you are interested in cartoons or architecture, video games or museums, computers or books doesn't matter. Just because someone would rather be admiring the many things a painting could represent doesn't make them any smarter than you are... It just means that they have different interests. I think people are intelligent when they are capable of not only expressing their interests, but also at embrassing the interests of others. If all people spent a lifetime knocking down other people because of their interests and beliefs, then the Nazis would have won, prejudice would be an even more rampant problem, and the world of art that some might love so much would be very limited indeed.
And although I'm sure that life doesn't seem very optimistic at the moment... One day you will come to be valued because of your interests, not in spite of them. To those who might have called you juvenile and not understand why you could like the things you do, I remind them that Picasso was not very popular, Van Gogh was very lonely, and Einstein was thought to be quite mad by some. There are many painters throughout history that I'm sure were told by their parents that painting was nothing more than a childhood hobby that they ought to leave behind as they become adults.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Trusting Children
Last night I was up late helping Phillip with some school work. After it started to get late we both finally decided it was time for bed. The moment I layed down, however, Mariana decided it was time to wake up. Mariana typically doesn't wake up in the middle of the night. In fact it rarely ever happens. Needless to say, I got right back up. Phillip had to be at school at 7:30 this morning, so him staying up with her wasn't even an option. Four o'clock in the morning rolled around, and Mariana and I are just laying there in my bed. Phillip on one side, me on the other, and Mariana between us. I had just finished feeding her a bottle and she was laying on her side facing me. I could see her drifting into sleep. As I laid there, I stared into my daughter's great big eyes as they got heavier and heavier and she finally dozed off. I couldn't help but wonder what goes on in that little head of hers.
There is so little about children that we really do understand. I have no memory of being seven months old, just like she'll have no memory of being seven months old. All of the science around growth and development can be explored to tell us what is going on with a child's brain, with their sight, hearing, and general health... But there is nothing that can help us understand what goes on inside the soul. Our soul is our identity. Our bodies carry us about, but our soul is who we truly are. A soul as young and untainted as Mariana's is an amazing mystery. She's so young and yet when I say "I love you" she smiles as if she understands. She looks at the people she knows with happiness in her eyes. There is recognition and understanding in her actions and in her features when something familiar is going on or someone familiar is nearby. What happens to make such a young child know so much? She doesn't have the ability to speak or to completely understand language as far as I know. Her level of knowledge is limited by what I and others around her have introduced her to. So how does she know that she can trust me? How does she know that I love her? How does she know that I'll protect her and take care of her? My seven month old trusts me more than I could possibly imagine, and I don't know why or how she knows she can. The level of trust our children have in us is remarkable. As human beings we develop the ability to be less trusting of others. It's not something we're born with. On the flip side, in several situations it's also the fact that we are let down by others and therefore become less trusting. Something happens to make us less trusting, we don't just become so. All humans have shortcomings and all humans have their own personal failures. When we are let down by another, we tend to trust them less. If we are let down by enough people we tend to trust all others less.
Yet, Mariana gets hungry and she cries her hunger cry. I bring her a bottle or a jar of food and she gets fed. She knows when she cries that cry, that she'll be fed. There are times when she's had to wait, when I haven't been able to feed her right away as she felt was needed... yet she still trusted that Mommy would make it all better. What age does that go away? Is it just instinct that makes us able to depend on our parents? These are all fascinating questions to me... I'm sure there are hundreds of books written by thousands of doctors and psychiatrists to explain all of these questions, but honestly..... How do those doctor's and psychiatrists really know? They don't. They study patterns of behavior, brainwaves, cause and effect, trial and error studies.
I think God designs us to be trusting and to lean on each other. He begins by giving us parents to take care of us. Don't misunderstand, I know there are many people out there who weren't raised by wonderful parents, many people have been raised by parents who in my own opinion shouldn't have been allowed the privelege of parenthood. But, God designs us to be dependent on our parents. Ultimately, we have no choice in the matter. It isn't like a 6 month old or even a 2 year old can just pick up a meal at the corner market and feed themselves, they can't clean themselves; when we are children we must learn to depend on others. We are designed by God to trust. Why?
When I laid there looking at Mariana, thinking about all of this in the middle of the night, it occurred to me. We begin by trusting our parents. The first caretakers and nurturers that we are influenced by and introduced to. We learn that when we ask for certain things, sometimes we have to wait, and sometimes we don't get what we ask for at all. When a parent gives a curfew, refuses candy, doesn't let us dress a certain way, watch a certain movie, or doesn't give us what we ask, it isn't some perverse pleasure they have to deny us our wants... It's that we were trusted to them and we must trust them to do what is in our best interest until we can do so ourselves. These are all things I didn't understand as I was growing up, being as hard headed and stubborn as I am, but nonetheless these things are true. But, the question remains why. Why must we learn these lessons and why must we learn to keep trusting when we think we have been let down? What I realized is that by learning to trust in my parents on Earth, I was learning to trust in my Father in heaven.
I'll never know how Mariana understands what she does at such a young age, but I do understand that I have a very important role... If I let her down, if I can't teach her to love and trust in me, how can I teach her to love and trust in God, and if she can't love and trust in God, how can she love and trust in herself? Parenting is the most important job I think a person can have. A life is entrusted to you from God... You are given a life to care for and teach, you are given a soul to encourage and cherish. How can that not be a precious task to be taken serious?
There is so little about children that we really do understand. I have no memory of being seven months old, just like she'll have no memory of being seven months old. All of the science around growth and development can be explored to tell us what is going on with a child's brain, with their sight, hearing, and general health... But there is nothing that can help us understand what goes on inside the soul. Our soul is our identity. Our bodies carry us about, but our soul is who we truly are. A soul as young and untainted as Mariana's is an amazing mystery. She's so young and yet when I say "I love you" she smiles as if she understands. She looks at the people she knows with happiness in her eyes. There is recognition and understanding in her actions and in her features when something familiar is going on or someone familiar is nearby. What happens to make such a young child know so much? She doesn't have the ability to speak or to completely understand language as far as I know. Her level of knowledge is limited by what I and others around her have introduced her to. So how does she know that she can trust me? How does she know that I love her? How does she know that I'll protect her and take care of her? My seven month old trusts me more than I could possibly imagine, and I don't know why or how she knows she can. The level of trust our children have in us is remarkable. As human beings we develop the ability to be less trusting of others. It's not something we're born with. On the flip side, in several situations it's also the fact that we are let down by others and therefore become less trusting. Something happens to make us less trusting, we don't just become so. All humans have shortcomings and all humans have their own personal failures. When we are let down by another, we tend to trust them less. If we are let down by enough people we tend to trust all others less.
Yet, Mariana gets hungry and she cries her hunger cry. I bring her a bottle or a jar of food and she gets fed. She knows when she cries that cry, that she'll be fed. There are times when she's had to wait, when I haven't been able to feed her right away as she felt was needed... yet she still trusted that Mommy would make it all better. What age does that go away? Is it just instinct that makes us able to depend on our parents? These are all fascinating questions to me... I'm sure there are hundreds of books written by thousands of doctors and psychiatrists to explain all of these questions, but honestly..... How do those doctor's and psychiatrists really know? They don't. They study patterns of behavior, brainwaves, cause and effect, trial and error studies.
I think God designs us to be trusting and to lean on each other. He begins by giving us parents to take care of us. Don't misunderstand, I know there are many people out there who weren't raised by wonderful parents, many people have been raised by parents who in my own opinion shouldn't have been allowed the privelege of parenthood. But, God designs us to be dependent on our parents. Ultimately, we have no choice in the matter. It isn't like a 6 month old or even a 2 year old can just pick up a meal at the corner market and feed themselves, they can't clean themselves; when we are children we must learn to depend on others. We are designed by God to trust. Why?
When I laid there looking at Mariana, thinking about all of this in the middle of the night, it occurred to me. We begin by trusting our parents. The first caretakers and nurturers that we are influenced by and introduced to. We learn that when we ask for certain things, sometimes we have to wait, and sometimes we don't get what we ask for at all. When a parent gives a curfew, refuses candy, doesn't let us dress a certain way, watch a certain movie, or doesn't give us what we ask, it isn't some perverse pleasure they have to deny us our wants... It's that we were trusted to them and we must trust them to do what is in our best interest until we can do so ourselves. These are all things I didn't understand as I was growing up, being as hard headed and stubborn as I am, but nonetheless these things are true. But, the question remains why. Why must we learn these lessons and why must we learn to keep trusting when we think we have been let down? What I realized is that by learning to trust in my parents on Earth, I was learning to trust in my Father in heaven.
I'll never know how Mariana understands what she does at such a young age, but I do understand that I have a very important role... If I let her down, if I can't teach her to love and trust in me, how can I teach her to love and trust in God, and if she can't love and trust in God, how can she love and trust in herself? Parenting is the most important job I think a person can have. A life is entrusted to you from God... You are given a life to care for and teach, you are given a soul to encourage and cherish. How can that not be a precious task to be taken serious?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)