Welcome to my crazy existence.

Ok... Today is Wednesday. I usually love Wednesdays. I get to go to Lakewood and work with the kids there on Wednesdays. Then I have my Intro to Ed class tonight. I'm basically out all day today. Mom and Grace keep Mariana while I do my field experience and Phil will keep her tonight. I'll leave at about 9 and be gone until around 4. Then I'll leave again at about 5:30 and come back at about 8:30.

Typically, I enjoy this and it doesn't bother me at all. But, today I'm not looking forward to it. The first trimester is exhausting. I'm always tired. I never feel completely rested. Hopefully, that will change once I go to the doctor and he gives me my prenatal vitamins and such. Meanwhile, I think I'll go to the store today and pick up the over the counter ones.

In other news. Mariana is a joy to have. She's the sweetest little girl in the world! We went to Walgreens last night and she was so cute. She was like a kid in a candy store. She ran around all excited, wanted to see everything, and we didn't have problems with her making messes or grabbing everything from the shelves. We went in the toy aisle and she kept picking up this Cinderella doll.

Then she saw a purse set with Ariel on it. So she picked that up and Phil grabbed both of them and held them up for her and said, "Mariana, you can have ONE of these. Which one do you want sweetie?" Without hesitating she walked up to the Cinderella doll and said, "That. Baby." and didn't look at the purse set again.

Meanwhile, she's sitting here singing to her doll and making it dance.

Well, I have to go... singing time is over. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, I hun'ry." Time to make my cutie breakfast.

Halloween Party

Well the Halloween Party was a giant success. Though, my poor mother was ill and in bed the entire party. I think everyone had a grand time. I avoided all spiked beverages, since I am pregnant. I love saying that.

This morning we were given some fantastic news, but as it is not mine to share, I will decline sharing. I simply ask that you pray for my family.

NEWS

Yesterday, I confirmed the fact that I am pregnant. Phillip and I are overwhelmed and overjoyed. We cannot believe we are going to have another baby! Mariana isn't even 2, lol. But she will be around 2 and a half years old by the time this little bundle of joy joins us. I always said about 3 years apart was a good age difference.

Last night after confirming that we were pregnant, we went to the Guns N Roses concert. I was exhausted, I don't know if I can blame it on first trimester exhaustion, or just being tired. I actually slept through half the concert in the chairs provided in the box. I'm ashamed... lol.

We've told our family the news. Everyone is pleased for us. I was most nervous about telling my sister-in-law, since she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years. But, she was genuinely pleased for us. She said, "Who knows, maybe now that you're pregnant I'll get pregnant. Maybe that's what it takes for me to get pregnant." To which I joked, "If that's what it takes for you to get pregnant, I will endeavor to be pregnant always."

I do hope God blesses them as he has blessed us. She'll make a fantastic mother.

Awesome Experiences

I don't know how many people know this, but I'm getting my Bachelor's in Elementary Education. I'm taking a course called Introduction to Education. The course requires 15 hours spent doing field experience. This means I have to spend 15 hours volunteering at a school and witnessing teachers or working with students. I decided to volunteer at the elementary school my sister-in-law teaches at.

The volunteer coordinator hooked me up with the 1st grade teacher. We met and made a schedule. Today was my first day of actually volunteering. I went in and was introduced to the kids and informed that I will be working with them individually on Great Leaps. I'm to work with these kids on Phonics, Letter Recognition, Sight Words, and such. How perfect is that? I want to help young children with reading as a primary goal as a teacher, so this is a fantastic opportunity.

Well, today I've already had a tear jerking moment with a student. This little girl came into the room with me. She's 7 years old and we're working and simple phonics, what sound does this letter make. The kids have 60 seconds to get as far as they can on the worksheet. Then I help them with the sounds they had a problem with. Well, she was perfect on all ONE letter sounds, /a/, /m/, /t/, /i/... But she just couldn't put the two together sometimes... Like at... she said "ah" instead of at. Then some of the sounds on the page were mat, sat, and tat... Well, of 48 sounds, she got 32... That's really quite good. But, she had 7 mistakes. Evertime 2 or more sounds had to be put together she struggled. So, for privacy sake I'm going to say her name was Melanie... It wasn't, but we're pretending. I said, "Melanie, what sound does this make" and pointed to an "a". She said, "ah". Perfect. I congratulated her. Then I pointed to the "t" and she said, "tuh"... So I told her she was right again. Then I pointed to "at"... and she said, "ah". Now I said, "Melanie look... see what sound does the first letter make" and she responded correctly, so then I said, "what about the second letter?" and she responded correctly. So then I said, "Put them together now." She said there concentrating with her brows drawn together silently mouthing the sounds. And after a few second I said, "Say it out loud, I want to hear you." and she sounded out "at" out loud. Then she said, "at?" I said, "That's right... now what about this word?" and pointed to "mat". She sat there struggling, and I covered up "at" with my fingers and said, "now say it out loud." She looked up at me and said, "mmm". Then I said, "that's right, now this." and moved to cover the "m", to which she replied, "at". "So put it together..." She said, "mm. at. mm. at. mmmat. MAT!" Then I pointed to sat, "sss. at. sssat. SAT!" Then I pointed to "tat", "tuh. at. TAT!"

Somewhere while figuring out "mat" she sat up and got all bright eyed. It was like watching someone turn on a light bulb. She was so excited.

If I had any question of what I wanted to do, it ended today.

Much Better

OK. Now, I was quite discouraged on Wednesday. Thursday morning was almost as bad, but my mother-in-law packed me and Mariana up and took us to my mom's house. She and Grace took care of Mariana and I slept until noon. That was enough to get my system in gear. I have been taking my pills though, just to be sure that I don't relapse.

Friday morning I went to the gym. I figured one of the reasons this week sucked was because I've been busier (which means more stressed) than usual. I used to work out at least once a week but haven't been doing that for the last 6 weeks or so. Working out of course helps me maintain a healthy stress level and such, added to the fact that it's just good for your body, so I figure it is time to quit slackin on that department. Grace and I went on Friday at around 8:30 AM and worked out for nearly 2 hours. OMG AM I SORE AS HELL. My muscles are pissed off. I'm going back tomorrow.

Yesterday we bought our halloween costumes!!! YAY! We are a little pirate family. Aren't we gonna be super duper cute. I LOVE IT!

Sucky Day

I think I've been dealing with life and school quite well. I'm thrilled with my marriage and I love my daughter. I'm there for my family and I'm passing all of my classes with flying colors so far. But, today sucked. I missed my first (and hopefully only) class this semester. I have been in bed all damn day. In fact, I'm posting this from bed. Everything has been going so well and then today, BAM, my health acts up. WTH. Out of no where. I've passed out twice today, fallen once from dizziness, and spent the rest of the day in bed to avoid the falling because every time I get out of bed I get light headed. I mean, honestly, how sucky is that. Oh well. I'll go to bed tonight and hopefully wake up tomorrow and be back to my normal healthy self.

My teacher said she understood quite well and has a similar condition, so I'm not worried about her reaction anymore. If anybody is reading this, say a prayer for me that this is a one day deal.

The good news in it is my husband is a god among men. He called in to work today. He's taken care of Mariana, made me food, brought me drinks, served me dinner, and just all around made sure that I am completely taken care of. Man did I hit the jackpot when that man fell in love me with.

Quoting George Washington Carver

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the ages, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."

I took my mother to the doctor again last week. We go every Wednesday to the wound care clinic where they look at her wound, poke into it with a metal stick of some kind, stick a stick into it to measure its depth, and then probe it before stuffing it with something called Prisma and bandaging it back up again. Every Wednesday she goes through this process. Not to mention the nurse who comes to the house every other day of the week to do the process at home.

Last Wednesday I got up to drive her to the clinic. I was nauseous from the time I ate, I wasn't feeling well, I was tired, and I was quite cranky. Phil had just gone back to work this week, and Mariana wasn't adjusting well. So needless to say, I was not feeling very sympathetic to my mother's pain. I think sometimes I get jaded by all that she has been through. So anyway, I didn't want to have to see her go through it that day and I didn't want to be compassionate, I wanted to be miserable and pity myself for how ucky and ill I was feeling.

On the way out, she had to stop in the restroom and I was waiting at the counter and I saw this bright yellow calendar, just a random flyer they give away. At the bottom was the quote by George Washington Carver.

I have been young and am young, I will be aged and am aging (though I know I'm still very young, technically we are all aging every moment), I have been striving and am always striving to accomplish some goal in life, I have been weak, and I have been strong. I have been and will be everyone of these over and over again in my life. Odd how soon I lose sight of that fact. It takes so little of us to remember to keep those around us and their pain and circumstances above or even at level of our own. How very selfish of me to even consider ignoring my mother's pain because I want to wallow in my own. I would never consider putting myself above my children, as my mother has always put our pain above hers. Why then was I not willing to do the same for my mother? Even for an hour of the day?

I like to think of myself as a loving and caring person, but even I need to remember to look at those around me and continue to be tender, compassionate, sympathetic, and tolerant at all times, and not just when things are well for me. I challenge everyone else to do the same.

What's New In My Life

Well, I can't really think of anything major going on that requires me to update everyone. Mariana is getting bigger by the day. She grew a quarter of an inch since July 20th! She also has a whole new variety of words coming out of her mouth! For instance she says, "Daddy" instead of DA, Mommy instead of "MA MA", shoes, ball, she tries to count to three, and just a bunch of other little words. The other day I put her baby doll on the shelf near her crib, where the baby goes when she isn't playing with it or cuddling with it at bedtime, and she pointed at it and said, "baby sleeping", sounded more like "babyy seeping", but it was ADORABLE!

Phil is going back to work, yesterday was his first day back. I hate it already. I mean it's good that he works, but I got very used to him being home with me. But it's only until next vacation. I love teacher vacations!

School starts back up in a few weeks, so that's awesome! I can't wait to get back in. Classes begin August 22nd. Caitie, Laura, Brittney, and I are taking an Ed class together, which is really nice because it's my only non-online class and I will know people in it!

Well that's it for now I guess.

Mom's Birthday Article

My mother-in-law's 50th Birthday just passed....

Dinner and a movie were just part of a big eveningA husband puts in extra effort to make sure his wife's 50th birthday is something to treasure.

By WAVENEY ANN MOORE, Times Staff Writer
Published July 19, 2006

ST. PETERSBURG - Gotcha! That was Bob Johnston's triumphant exclamation when his wife walked into the surprise 50th birthday party he'd organized for her at the Muvico theaters at BayWalk.

She had known that they were going to a movie and dinner. It was at dinner, she had suspected from recent whisperings and surreptitious phone calls, that she would get her surprise.

"I was wrong," Loretta Johnston wrote in an e-mail telling the St. Petersburg Times about the celebration. "It WAS the movie! My husband had bought out a movie theater (250 seats) for the premier weekend of Pirates of the Caribbean and invited our family and friends to attend a private showing of the movie with us."

"I was totally surprised," she said this week. "My brother said he had never seen my face so beet red. It was such an amazing day."

Her husband had gotten the idea months earlier, when he noticed that Muvico rented its theaters for business events. He spoke with the manager and made arrangements for the birthday celebration that coincidentally fell on the opening weekend of Johnny Depp's blockbuster, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest.

"It was a lot of money," Bob Johnston, an instructor at Pinellas Technical Education Center, said of the $2,500 expenditure. "I had to buy every seat in the theater. It was funny, because with it being that much money, we never spend that much money without talking to each other."

Facing the predicament of how to consult his wife about the money without giving away the secret, Bob Johnston said he asked her if he could spend it on something "totally ridiculous." She agreed.

"She just knew that I was going to surprise her, but she didn't know where or how and when," he said.

His wife, who is a corporate account manager for Weight Watchers, had her suspicions. Married for almost 28 years, with three adult children, Meghan Alfaro, Phillip and Caitlin, and one grandchild, 17-month-old Mariana, she thought her husband might be organizing a cruise.

"I knew something was going to happen, but I didn't know where or what," she said, adding that she made sure not to eavesdrop on phone calls or ask any questions. "I didn't want to ruin my surprise."

The weekend Pirates opened, her husband bought a couple of tickets for the movie and told her they were going to a movie and dinner. It was three days before her July 12 birthday. Guests, some of whom had traveled from out of town, had been told to gather at the theater 45 minutes early."

And as we walked in, the whole theater just yells, 'Surprise,' and she doesn't know what to do and she just kind of ran back and hid behind the wall," her husband recounted this week. "Once she turned the corner again and realized that she knew everybody, she said, 'Did you rent the theater?' It was just wonderful. We had about 45 people there."

Daughter Meghan gave a PowerPoint presentation of her mother's life.

Bob Johnston is still grinning about the surprise he managed to get past his wife.

"The biggest thing for me was just the thrill of pulling it off," he said. Four years ago, as his 50th birthday approached, she had done the same to him.

"I was determined that since she had gotten me so well, I was going to get her," he said.

How much is my little girl like me?

When I look at Mariana I see a lot of her father. I see Phil's ear's, his smile, and his facial expressions (most of the time). I do see a bit of my own features staring back at me, particularly my big brown eyes. Which I must say look much cuter on her in my honest opinion. The one thing however I might wish she would get from her father, that she inherited from me instead, is her temper and attitude. So in light of that, here's my little anecdote.

Today, my little girl decided that she wanted to get into the kitchen cabinets below the sink... This is where we keep the cleaning supplies and such. I said "Mariana, Get out of there." Now, they get closed and she opens them back up. I repeat myself. They get closed, and she opens them back up a third time. So, I repeat myself and add, "If you open them again you're gonna get a spanking." And she opened them again. So, I close the cabinets walk her away from them and tap her gently on her butt. (I don't beat her or anything, just a light tap.) My daughter got quite mad, went over to the refridgerator, grabbed one of her Leapfrog letter magnets, and throws it across the kitchen floor. I pick up the magnet, put it back and tell her that "we don't throw things because we're mad." So she grabs the magnet again and throws it again. I once a gain tap her on the butt and move all of the magnets out of her reach and say, "There, now you don't get to play with them. Do you have anything else you want to throw, because I'll take that away too?" My nearly 18 month old daughter looks me straight in the eye, nods at me, and walks over to the nearest dog toy, picks it up, and throws it!

Now, what am I supposed to do with that? She deliberately said yes to me and went to find something to throw. Unfortunately, it caught me so off guard that I laughed at her. Definitely not the right response I know. But honestly, the little brat takes right after me. You'd think I might be annoyed after such a display of temper, but I just realized even more that I love that kid. So, yeah, I may have wished she'd get her attitude from Phil, but I wouldn't change her for all the world now.

Meanwhile, immediately after, she took a nap and woke up in a much better mood with brand new child proof locks on all of the cabinets.

Fun Times

So we had friends in from out of town for a week. It was really great because we'd never met before, just been talking online and on the phone for a year or so. Maddox, Zaleigh, Stacey and Jenny were an absolute blast the whole week they were here. We went to Busch Gardens and Adventure Island. Adventure Island was a blast because it was Mariana's first time there, and she loved it. She'd cry whenever we lifted her out of the water.

Then Mad and Zale took Phil and I to Arabian Nights. It's a really nifty dinner theater in Orlando. It's a really great horse show. They treated us and we had a blast.

Oh and we went to Ybor. That's the first time I've gone out dancing in years. I mean since before I got pregnant with Mariana by at least 3 months. So it's been quite a while. Well, my parents were super sweet and kept Mariana overnight, so we stayed out almost all night. Everyone actually got to meet and stuff. Meghan, Alan, Chris, Nina, Jenny, Stacey, Caitie, Mike, Phil, and I all met up in Ybor. Mike, Caitie, Phil and I drove together and Chris, Nina, Stacey, and Jenny followed us. We met Meghan and Alan at Prana. Let me tell you it was so funny. We went up to Ybor and Phil missed the exit, then we turned around and got a little lost for about 3 minutes. So we get back on the interstate and make it to Ybor, park in the garage, and head over to Prana. They wouldn't let Mike in because he was wearing shorts so we pitched in and got him some jeans from a store on the strip. So, we finally got into Prana after about an hour of things holding us back.

We ended up on the roof for most of the night. We had the best time. First of all, it was Reggae night on the roof with a live band doing cover songs. So we had a blast. We went up there after a little while on the fourth floor. We originally went up for air and ended up being up there the rest of the night. We girls started dancing and the band called us over to dance in the middle. So we all went over and eventually Chris and Phil joined it. Stacey, always hating to see someone left out, went over and beckoned Mike to dance with her. I swear, I've known the guy for about 14 years and NEVER seen him dance. He danced the rest of the night. He and Stacey danced the night away. Phil and I danced the night away. All of us were out there on the dance floor for hours at a time. It was really great because I haven't seen Mike have such a great time in a long time. Phil and he got to kick back and relax, we all had a blast. Then after Prana we went to IHOP and had a 3 am breakfast. Twas a really fun night. I think the coolest part was that it was one of the first nights since becoming a mom that Phil and I got to go out and just be Phil and I again instead of Mom and Dad. Not that I'm complaining, I wouldn't make a habit of it. Though it might be worth it to see Phil and Mike dance more often. Surprisingly enough, they both dance really well... Well, I knew Phil did, he's danced with me before, but Mike surprised the hell out of me.

Father's Day

Today is Father's Day. I got up this morning with the baby and let Phil sleep in. Mariana was an absolute sweetheart today. Phil and I love her so much. My parents and brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew, and Phil's sister and her husband came over for dinner. It was really really good. I love the fact that my whole family can get together and have fun. It's wonderful having in-laws and a family that think of each other as family as well.

I made Phil a picture of Nana for Father's Day. Being low on funds, we sometimes have to get creative on gifts. So, I took a picture of her this morning while he was asleep and used photoshop to edit the picture and create a new background and add some neat effects. Then I bought a 4 dollar frame, framed it, and gave it to him. He loved it. I spent hours on it this morning. Mariana sat at her little desk punching keys and moving her mouse around thinking she was doing it.

I've sent in my FAFSA and begun all of the prep to get back in college. Education degree here I come.

I was thinking about it today. Two years ago the week before Father's Day I found out I was pregnant. Phil was a week away from turning 22. Now we're 24, well he will be tomorrow, and we have a beautiful little girl. You know by the time I turned 24, I was supposed to own a house, have a degree, start my career, and just basically have everything in order financially. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like had we not gotten pregnant. But, I saw Phil today when Mariana ran smiling and giggling at him with his Father's Day card in her little hand, and I realized something. No matter what I do or don't accomplish in the rest of my whole life, I have truly been successful in all of the ways that truly matter. I made Phil a dad, and I created a beautiful life with him and God. That's enough for me.

I'm Happy

Did you ever just wake up one day and see the sun shining and a blue sky, look around and think "I'm happy"? Well, I am. I'm happy. I can't think of a reason not to be. My life is relatively uncomplicated. I have a husband whom I love dearly and who loves me more than life itself. My daughter is beyond the sweetest child in the universe. I'm happy.

I find that it is important to write days like today down. This way if sometime next week, tomorrow, or even later today I get grouchy or discouraged about something, I can easily go back to this and say, "Hey, you need to get back to that day."

Now, I'm also completely exhausted. I desperately need to start finding my bed BEFORE 1:30 in the morning. Typically, it wouldn't be too huge a problem, but I do have to get up either with Mariana or to take my cousin to summer school, depending on whose turn it is for which.

Last night I was levelling my alt and chatting on vent with Flaitie, Deadsabot and Korrigan. Somehow the conversation turned into relationships and such... It made me realize that I've never wanted to be with anyone other than Phil. Well, that led to all of those questions men hate to be asked by their significant others... "Have you ever looked at another girl and though, 'damn I wish my girl had...'" Phil is a good sport, he knows that I am not going to get pissed and turn into a "I can't believe you'd want to change that about me" so he doesn't freak out with those conversations. I don't ask to trap; I really do ask out of general curiosity. However, that led to about 2:30 before we got to sleep. SO, I'm tired today.

Wow, this got long fast. I rambled I think, I tend to do that.

Anyway, the point of all of this is. I can safely say that I go to bed at night knowing that I am truly loved as me and that makes me happy!

An Update

So, I was informed that I need to keep updating this thing every once in a while. I'm really bad about keeping journals, particularly if it's only for my own records. But since people actually stop by and find out what's going on in my life with this thing, I'll try to be better about it.

Phil is doing really well with his new career. Last year he taught Geometry and Physics, but this year he will be teaching Physics only. The other Physics teacher left the school and Phil was given all of the Physics classes if he wanted them. Since his degree is in Physics, you can imagine he jumped at the opportunity. He was also given the department funds to spend on "his program". It's really rather exciting and it says a lot about his performance in his first year.

Mariana is getting huge. She's rather tall according to the doctor. She's already 16 months old as of the 8th of the month. She walks everywhere, naturally. She's even learned the concept of running away from you when she has something you are trying to take away from her. I think the thing I love most about her is her laugh. She's just so incredibly adorable when she giggles. She's also beginning to assert her independence and prove that she's more stubborn than her mother ever was, hard to believe I know.

I'm doing great. I've applied for Financial Aid for the Fall semester and am eligible for grants... Such is to be expected when you are a family of three on one income. Every once in a while not being rich pays off in a way. So, I may get to go to school without deepening the ever growing amount of student loans. I'm still going to get my degree in English Education. It has been quite a while since I was in college. I will be taking online courses for much of my degree and then when I have no choice I'll consider actually going to a classroom. I have no intention of going back to work right now and don't know when I will. I'm in no rush and Phillip loves me being home with Mariana, so I have a lot of support.

My health is on an incline. I've only passed out once in the last 7 months. 4 of the last 7 months I've been completely without medication. I do have one minor problem of a lost cardiologist. But I'll get another one. Anyone know any really good Electrophysiologists in Florida? :)

Mommy had surgery again. I think it was on May 24. She's recovering well, though she has a nurse come to the house everyday to clean her wound since the doctor doesn't want to close it up and risk another "fluid pocket" being formed. All in all she's keeping her spirits high. I'm very proud of her and I admire her greatly. It's amazing how well she holds together despite all of the difficulties she has.

The whole family is still addicted to WoW. We enjoy playing together very much. In fact, last night we downed Onyxia for the first time with our guild. Most people don't know what that means, but for those of you who do, we built our guild as family first and then added members until we grew to a point where together we could do end game in a fun casual way. It's been a blast. You can check us out at http://motuguild.net.

Oh AND it's MONDAY... Monday is ZUMBA!!! I love my Zumba class. I love the gym now. But, honestly Zumba is my favorite part of my weekly workouts. Caitie, Meghan and I go dance off the calories.

New Year

Phil and I enjoyed New Year's Eve at my parents house. We had a LAN party of sorts. Mom, Dad, Phil and I hooked up our PC's and reined in the New Year on WoW. Most might find that odd, but it was a blast. Then, after playing until well past 3 AM, we finally hit the sack only to have to fight sleep while trying to keep Mariana sleeping... Needless to say we didn't sleep well at all.

After 3-4 hours of sleep, we got up and got ready for the Bucs game. Phil and I had tickets to the Buccaneers vs. Saints. So we got all pumped up, left the baby with my parents and drove to the stadium. We got awesome parking, for an insane $20 to park. Seriously, I paid $20 to leave my car somewhere, not even being watched by anyone, just to sit there. So anyway, then we work our way up the stadium to our third level seats. We were around the 30 - 40 yard line and pretty high up so we had a very nice view. We then went and met with Mike and his dad for some burgers and fries before the game started. In a grand coincidence his dad and he had tickets to the same game as us. So we got to hang out with them until about 10 minutes before kick-off.

Let me tell you from kick off on was a blur of screams, yells, cheers, penalties, turnovers, and scoring. It was an awesome game with a great deal of battling it out for the win. Then, it ended ever so pleasantly with us as NFC SOUTH DIVISION CHAMPIONS!!!! That's right people, the Buccaneers are the NFC South Division Champs. With yesterday's win we guaranteed our play-off seat and our division championship. And I got to sit next to my husband and enjoy the New Year that way... GO ME!!!

Anyway, Happy New Year to everyone. I hope all of you have a happy and pleasant new year and that all of you enjoy yourselves over the months to come. May each new day bring you joy and happiness.