Today I had to go to my Cardiologist. My mother-in-law drove me and Mariana to the Largo office. I can't drive at present due to some health issues, so I'm always very appreciative of my family when they can help me out. So, she drove us up and the three of us go into the office. Well, that was so awesome.
I hate going to the doctor... I really do. It's always the same questions with the same results. But, walking in with a 7 month old little girl on your hip changes things quite a bit. I was up at the counter giving the receptionist my new insurance card and paying my co-pay. Mariana was on my hip smiling at all the new faces and waving around the insurance card she took out of my hand. In seconds we were swarmed by friendly faces. Everyone wanted to see my little girl. I must say, that is one of the best feelings. When you have everyone telling you how beautiful your child is, how smart she is, and just how precious. I really is an affirmation to watch the child that I am raising melt the hearts of all those around her.
My mother-in-law stayed in the waiting room with her while I went back to the doctor and the nurse actually had a hard time keeping to the questions that I usually get because she had so many about Mariana. When the doctor came in, he did his usual routine of questions and then caught me off guard at the end by asking, "How is that little girl of yours?" Babies make everyone more approachable. Mariana can break down the facade of indifference that so many adults live behind with just a smile.
When I went back out to the waiting room, Mom was feeding Mariana a bottle... I was back with the doctor for probably a half hour or so and the receptionist looked at me and said, "You have the best baby... She was so good the whole time you were back there." I, of course, give partial credit to my mother-in-law for taking such good care of her while I was seeing the doctor, but it's also the fact that she has the most joyful disposition.
I just love her.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Relationships
A friend of mine and I were talking recently... I hope he doesn't mind my posting this. Anyway, we were talking recently about different things. You know, the types of things people talk about, like relationships, life, kids and such. Well, we were talking about his relationship and some of its recent difficulties. He told me that his wife and he had a few arguments about their different interests. How his wife thought his interests in video games and other such activities were somewhat juvenile. My friend is my age... He's an adult with children of his own, goes to work everyday, and that sort of thing. He just happens to enjoy certain cartoons and video games as a form of release and entertainment.
My husband likes Ren & Stimpy. Of all things a person could like, my husband likes Ren & Stimpy. I despise and loathe Ren & Stimpy with a passion. If they had an anti-Ren & Stimpy campaign, I might have joined it once upon a time ago. But, because my husband likes them, I would take myself right back off of that campaign.
When you love someone, you love all of them. I love the fact that my husband can spend 8 hours straight on a video game, even though it might exasperate me... I love the fact that I asked him to read ONE fictional novel, one of any novel really, in the course of our 9 year relationship and that he's been reading it for over a year and a half. I even love the fact that I get to listen to countless, and I do mean countless, Physics lessons even though I hated Physics in high school. I love to watch my husband's excitement over all of the things he loves, no matter how mundane, boring, irritating, or childish some might find those very same things. I find that I now like those things. I like them because they bring him joy. I will cherish anything that brings him joy. Over the years I've found myself asking him questions about things that he finds interest in, even though I don't really care about the subject, just to include myself in the other loves of his life. I listen to stories and jokes about Strongbad, special relativity, computer parts, and I'll even listen about Ren & Stimpy. I love him that much.
To my friend I say... Whether you are interested in cartoons or architecture, video games or museums, computers or books doesn't matter. Just because someone would rather be admiring the many things a painting could represent doesn't make them any smarter than you are... It just means that they have different interests. I think people are intelligent when they are capable of not only expressing their interests, but also at embrassing the interests of others. If all people spent a lifetime knocking down other people because of their interests and beliefs, then the Nazis would have won, prejudice would be an even more rampant problem, and the world of art that some might love so much would be very limited indeed.
And although I'm sure that life doesn't seem very optimistic at the moment... One day you will come to be valued because of your interests, not in spite of them. To those who might have called you juvenile and not understand why you could like the things you do, I remind them that Picasso was not very popular, Van Gogh was very lonely, and Einstein was thought to be quite mad by some. There are many painters throughout history that I'm sure were told by their parents that painting was nothing more than a childhood hobby that they ought to leave behind as they become adults.
My husband likes Ren & Stimpy. Of all things a person could like, my husband likes Ren & Stimpy. I despise and loathe Ren & Stimpy with a passion. If they had an anti-Ren & Stimpy campaign, I might have joined it once upon a time ago. But, because my husband likes them, I would take myself right back off of that campaign.
When you love someone, you love all of them. I love the fact that my husband can spend 8 hours straight on a video game, even though it might exasperate me... I love the fact that I asked him to read ONE fictional novel, one of any novel really, in the course of our 9 year relationship and that he's been reading it for over a year and a half. I even love the fact that I get to listen to countless, and I do mean countless, Physics lessons even though I hated Physics in high school. I love to watch my husband's excitement over all of the things he loves, no matter how mundane, boring, irritating, or childish some might find those very same things. I find that I now like those things. I like them because they bring him joy. I will cherish anything that brings him joy. Over the years I've found myself asking him questions about things that he finds interest in, even though I don't really care about the subject, just to include myself in the other loves of his life. I listen to stories and jokes about Strongbad, special relativity, computer parts, and I'll even listen about Ren & Stimpy. I love him that much.
To my friend I say... Whether you are interested in cartoons or architecture, video games or museums, computers or books doesn't matter. Just because someone would rather be admiring the many things a painting could represent doesn't make them any smarter than you are... It just means that they have different interests. I think people are intelligent when they are capable of not only expressing their interests, but also at embrassing the interests of others. If all people spent a lifetime knocking down other people because of their interests and beliefs, then the Nazis would have won, prejudice would be an even more rampant problem, and the world of art that some might love so much would be very limited indeed.
And although I'm sure that life doesn't seem very optimistic at the moment... One day you will come to be valued because of your interests, not in spite of them. To those who might have called you juvenile and not understand why you could like the things you do, I remind them that Picasso was not very popular, Van Gogh was very lonely, and Einstein was thought to be quite mad by some. There are many painters throughout history that I'm sure were told by their parents that painting was nothing more than a childhood hobby that they ought to leave behind as they become adults.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Trusting Children
Last night I was up late helping Phillip with some school work. After it started to get late we both finally decided it was time for bed. The moment I layed down, however, Mariana decided it was time to wake up. Mariana typically doesn't wake up in the middle of the night. In fact it rarely ever happens. Needless to say, I got right back up. Phillip had to be at school at 7:30 this morning, so him staying up with her wasn't even an option. Four o'clock in the morning rolled around, and Mariana and I are just laying there in my bed. Phillip on one side, me on the other, and Mariana between us. I had just finished feeding her a bottle and she was laying on her side facing me. I could see her drifting into sleep. As I laid there, I stared into my daughter's great big eyes as they got heavier and heavier and she finally dozed off. I couldn't help but wonder what goes on in that little head of hers.
There is so little about children that we really do understand. I have no memory of being seven months old, just like she'll have no memory of being seven months old. All of the science around growth and development can be explored to tell us what is going on with a child's brain, with their sight, hearing, and general health... But there is nothing that can help us understand what goes on inside the soul. Our soul is our identity. Our bodies carry us about, but our soul is who we truly are. A soul as young and untainted as Mariana's is an amazing mystery. She's so young and yet when I say "I love you" she smiles as if she understands. She looks at the people she knows with happiness in her eyes. There is recognition and understanding in her actions and in her features when something familiar is going on or someone familiar is nearby. What happens to make such a young child know so much? She doesn't have the ability to speak or to completely understand language as far as I know. Her level of knowledge is limited by what I and others around her have introduced her to. So how does she know that she can trust me? How does she know that I love her? How does she know that I'll protect her and take care of her? My seven month old trusts me more than I could possibly imagine, and I don't know why or how she knows she can. The level of trust our children have in us is remarkable. As human beings we develop the ability to be less trusting of others. It's not something we're born with. On the flip side, in several situations it's also the fact that we are let down by others and therefore become less trusting. Something happens to make us less trusting, we don't just become so. All humans have shortcomings and all humans have their own personal failures. When we are let down by another, we tend to trust them less. If we are let down by enough people we tend to trust all others less.
Yet, Mariana gets hungry and she cries her hunger cry. I bring her a bottle or a jar of food and she gets fed. She knows when she cries that cry, that she'll be fed. There are times when she's had to wait, when I haven't been able to feed her right away as she felt was needed... yet she still trusted that Mommy would make it all better. What age does that go away? Is it just instinct that makes us able to depend on our parents? These are all fascinating questions to me... I'm sure there are hundreds of books written by thousands of doctors and psychiatrists to explain all of these questions, but honestly..... How do those doctor's and psychiatrists really know? They don't. They study patterns of behavior, brainwaves, cause and effect, trial and error studies.
I think God designs us to be trusting and to lean on each other. He begins by giving us parents to take care of us. Don't misunderstand, I know there are many people out there who weren't raised by wonderful parents, many people have been raised by parents who in my own opinion shouldn't have been allowed the privelege of parenthood. But, God designs us to be dependent on our parents. Ultimately, we have no choice in the matter. It isn't like a 6 month old or even a 2 year old can just pick up a meal at the corner market and feed themselves, they can't clean themselves; when we are children we must learn to depend on others. We are designed by God to trust. Why?
When I laid there looking at Mariana, thinking about all of this in the middle of the night, it occurred to me. We begin by trusting our parents. The first caretakers and nurturers that we are influenced by and introduced to. We learn that when we ask for certain things, sometimes we have to wait, and sometimes we don't get what we ask for at all. When a parent gives a curfew, refuses candy, doesn't let us dress a certain way, watch a certain movie, or doesn't give us what we ask, it isn't some perverse pleasure they have to deny us our wants... It's that we were trusted to them and we must trust them to do what is in our best interest until we can do so ourselves. These are all things I didn't understand as I was growing up, being as hard headed and stubborn as I am, but nonetheless these things are true. But, the question remains why. Why must we learn these lessons and why must we learn to keep trusting when we think we have been let down? What I realized is that by learning to trust in my parents on Earth, I was learning to trust in my Father in heaven.
I'll never know how Mariana understands what she does at such a young age, but I do understand that I have a very important role... If I let her down, if I can't teach her to love and trust in me, how can I teach her to love and trust in God, and if she can't love and trust in God, how can she love and trust in herself? Parenting is the most important job I think a person can have. A life is entrusted to you from God... You are given a life to care for and teach, you are given a soul to encourage and cherish. How can that not be a precious task to be taken serious?
There is so little about children that we really do understand. I have no memory of being seven months old, just like she'll have no memory of being seven months old. All of the science around growth and development can be explored to tell us what is going on with a child's brain, with their sight, hearing, and general health... But there is nothing that can help us understand what goes on inside the soul. Our soul is our identity. Our bodies carry us about, but our soul is who we truly are. A soul as young and untainted as Mariana's is an amazing mystery. She's so young and yet when I say "I love you" she smiles as if she understands. She looks at the people she knows with happiness in her eyes. There is recognition and understanding in her actions and in her features when something familiar is going on or someone familiar is nearby. What happens to make such a young child know so much? She doesn't have the ability to speak or to completely understand language as far as I know. Her level of knowledge is limited by what I and others around her have introduced her to. So how does she know that she can trust me? How does she know that I love her? How does she know that I'll protect her and take care of her? My seven month old trusts me more than I could possibly imagine, and I don't know why or how she knows she can. The level of trust our children have in us is remarkable. As human beings we develop the ability to be less trusting of others. It's not something we're born with. On the flip side, in several situations it's also the fact that we are let down by others and therefore become less trusting. Something happens to make us less trusting, we don't just become so. All humans have shortcomings and all humans have their own personal failures. When we are let down by another, we tend to trust them less. If we are let down by enough people we tend to trust all others less.
Yet, Mariana gets hungry and she cries her hunger cry. I bring her a bottle or a jar of food and she gets fed. She knows when she cries that cry, that she'll be fed. There are times when she's had to wait, when I haven't been able to feed her right away as she felt was needed... yet she still trusted that Mommy would make it all better. What age does that go away? Is it just instinct that makes us able to depend on our parents? These are all fascinating questions to me... I'm sure there are hundreds of books written by thousands of doctors and psychiatrists to explain all of these questions, but honestly..... How do those doctor's and psychiatrists really know? They don't. They study patterns of behavior, brainwaves, cause and effect, trial and error studies.
I think God designs us to be trusting and to lean on each other. He begins by giving us parents to take care of us. Don't misunderstand, I know there are many people out there who weren't raised by wonderful parents, many people have been raised by parents who in my own opinion shouldn't have been allowed the privelege of parenthood. But, God designs us to be dependent on our parents. Ultimately, we have no choice in the matter. It isn't like a 6 month old or even a 2 year old can just pick up a meal at the corner market and feed themselves, they can't clean themselves; when we are children we must learn to depend on others. We are designed by God to trust. Why?
When I laid there looking at Mariana, thinking about all of this in the middle of the night, it occurred to me. We begin by trusting our parents. The first caretakers and nurturers that we are influenced by and introduced to. We learn that when we ask for certain things, sometimes we have to wait, and sometimes we don't get what we ask for at all. When a parent gives a curfew, refuses candy, doesn't let us dress a certain way, watch a certain movie, or doesn't give us what we ask, it isn't some perverse pleasure they have to deny us our wants... It's that we were trusted to them and we must trust them to do what is in our best interest until we can do so ourselves. These are all things I didn't understand as I was growing up, being as hard headed and stubborn as I am, but nonetheless these things are true. But, the question remains why. Why must we learn these lessons and why must we learn to keep trusting when we think we have been let down? What I realized is that by learning to trust in my parents on Earth, I was learning to trust in my Father in heaven.
I'll never know how Mariana understands what she does at such a young age, but I do understand that I have a very important role... If I let her down, if I can't teach her to love and trust in me, how can I teach her to love and trust in God, and if she can't love and trust in God, how can she love and trust in herself? Parenting is the most important job I think a person can have. A life is entrusted to you from God... You are given a life to care for and teach, you are given a soul to encourage and cherish. How can that not be a precious task to be taken serious?
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