Trusting Children

Last night I was up late helping Phillip with some school work. After it started to get late we both finally decided it was time for bed. The moment I layed down, however, Mariana decided it was time to wake up. Mariana typically doesn't wake up in the middle of the night. In fact it rarely ever happens. Needless to say, I got right back up. Phillip had to be at school at 7:30 this morning, so him staying up with her wasn't even an option. Four o'clock in the morning rolled around, and Mariana and I are just laying there in my bed. Phillip on one side, me on the other, and Mariana between us. I had just finished feeding her a bottle and she was laying on her side facing me. I could see her drifting into sleep. As I laid there, I stared into my daughter's great big eyes as they got heavier and heavier and she finally dozed off. I couldn't help but wonder what goes on in that little head of hers.

There is so little about children that we really do understand. I have no memory of being seven months old, just like she'll have no memory of being seven months old. All of the science around growth and development can be explored to tell us what is going on with a child's brain, with their sight, hearing, and general health... But there is nothing that can help us understand what goes on inside the soul. Our soul is our identity. Our bodies carry us about, but our soul is who we truly are. A soul as young and untainted as Mariana's is an amazing mystery. She's so young and yet when I say "I love you" she smiles as if she understands. She looks at the people she knows with happiness in her eyes. There is recognition and understanding in her actions and in her features when something familiar is going on or someone familiar is nearby. What happens to make such a young child know so much? She doesn't have the ability to speak or to completely understand language as far as I know. Her level of knowledge is limited by what I and others around her have introduced her to. So how does she know that she can trust me? How does she know that I love her? How does she know that I'll protect her and take care of her? My seven month old trusts me more than I could possibly imagine, and I don't know why or how she knows she can. The level of trust our children have in us is remarkable. As human beings we develop the ability to be less trusting of others. It's not something we're born with. On the flip side, in several situations it's also the fact that we are let down by others and therefore become less trusting. Something happens to make us less trusting, we don't just become so. All humans have shortcomings and all humans have their own personal failures. When we are let down by another, we tend to trust them less. If we are let down by enough people we tend to trust all others less.

Yet, Mariana gets hungry and she cries her hunger cry. I bring her a bottle or a jar of food and she gets fed. She knows when she cries that cry, that she'll be fed. There are times when she's had to wait, when I haven't been able to feed her right away as she felt was needed... yet she still trusted that Mommy would make it all better. What age does that go away? Is it just instinct that makes us able to depend on our parents? These are all fascinating questions to me... I'm sure there are hundreds of books written by thousands of doctors and psychiatrists to explain all of these questions, but honestly..... How do those doctor's and psychiatrists really know? They don't. They study patterns of behavior, brainwaves, cause and effect, trial and error studies.

I think God designs us to be trusting and to lean on each other. He begins by giving us parents to take care of us. Don't misunderstand, I know there are many people out there who weren't raised by wonderful parents, many people have been raised by parents who in my own opinion shouldn't have been allowed the privelege of parenthood. But, God designs us to be dependent on our parents. Ultimately, we have no choice in the matter. It isn't like a 6 month old or even a 2 year old can just pick up a meal at the corner market and feed themselves, they can't clean themselves; when we are children we must learn to depend on others. We are designed by God to trust. Why?

When I laid there looking at Mariana, thinking about all of this in the middle of the night, it occurred to me. We begin by trusting our parents. The first caretakers and nurturers that we are influenced by and introduced to. We learn that when we ask for certain things, sometimes we have to wait, and sometimes we don't get what we ask for at all. When a parent gives a curfew, refuses candy, doesn't let us dress a certain way, watch a certain movie, or doesn't give us what we ask, it isn't some perverse pleasure they have to deny us our wants... It's that we were trusted to them and we must trust them to do what is in our best interest until we can do so ourselves. These are all things I didn't understand as I was growing up, being as hard headed and stubborn as I am, but nonetheless these things are true. But, the question remains why. Why must we learn these lessons and why must we learn to keep trusting when we think we have been let down? What I realized is that by learning to trust in my parents on Earth, I was learning to trust in my Father in heaven.

I'll never know how Mariana understands what she does at such a young age, but I do understand that I have a very important role... If I let her down, if I can't teach her to love and trust in me, how can I teach her to love and trust in God, and if she can't love and trust in God, how can she love and trust in herself? Parenting is the most important job I think a person can have. A life is entrusted to you from God... You are given a life to care for and teach, you are given a soul to encourage and cherish. How can that not be a precious task to be taken serious?